


My Chakotay’s Keeper

by Mysticmcknight



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-02
Updated: 2002-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-12 18:04:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/494132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticmcknight/pseuds/Mysticmcknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>simple mission, a simple accident and everything changes forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Chakotay’s Keeper

**Author's Note:**

> The characters belong to Paramount. Again since they are no longer using them I’ve decided to take our boys out of the ‘closet’ and let them play and be happy. Enjoy.

This wasn’t happening…or so I kept telling myself as it was happing; I’ll never be able to explain this to the Captain, for I don’t understand all the particulars either, but none the less, I Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris once again got into a world of trouble, and I didn’t even break a sweat. 

The Captain will be here any minute, and my mind whirls on what happened in just under twenty-four hours; as usual it started like most trade missions, the Captain was needed on another planet that we made contact with in order to discuss Voyagers passage through their sector, so Commander Chakotay was selected to head up the trade negotiations between us and the Elishians. Of course they didn’t like transporter technology, a shuttle was going to be sent, and the Captain had this great idea that ‘I’ should fly it; of course I’m the best, but let’s face it, me and Chakotay are like fire and oil, one good spark and all hell breaks out, none the less, we went. 

We landed were we were suppose to, and I closed down the shuttle as per regulations and joined the Commander as he prepared to exit to greet the Elishian delegation. Of course he warned me to stay out of trouble…we both should have known better right there and then, but alas… 

We exited the shuttle and I stayed in the background and things seemed to be going okay, for they found Chakotay to be the epitome of etiquette and nobility; their words not mine…even if I would agree…at times. 

So, about three hours of boring discussions, the Elishian delegation decided to give us a tour of their city; especially their ‘modern’ market place. Again, I should have known better and declined, but I was so board that any type of activity appealed to me, so I tagged along. 

The market reminded me of a clean version of the old fashion Middle Eastern markets, with dozens upon dozens of stalls with a huge variety of merchandise…the perfect location for getting into hot water for someone like me. Now, since I was board, I didn’t pay attention to the instructions on manners…they go a long, long way here, which I found out the hard way. 

A very beautiful Elishian woman sundered up to me while in the market and started coming on to me; normally not a bad thing, but with my history with alien woman…but, it didn’t seem to matter. I do recall that I was as polite as possible in letting her down; that I was not interested in her and proceeded to stay with the group; had I known then what I know now…but hindsight is always 20/20. As to what happened next, there hasn’t been a second that has passed that I wish with all my heart that I could either stop what occurred or…trade places with the Commander. 

Again, I’m not a hundred percent of the particulars, but from what the Elishians have told me, I must hav said something to offend the woman and she of course informed her WsKeer…Protector in their tongue, I’d say pimp…but; it doesn’t matter, the Son-of-a-bitch had taken offense and decided that an ‘uncivilized barbarian’ such as me needed to be taught a lesion. 

Apparently he came storming at me, for I never saw him, all I knew was that my attention was on a beautiful crystal carving of an Elishian mystical creature that looked like an Earth’s dragon, when suddenly I was pushed to the ground as the sound what could only be described as a huge firecracker went off…then everything went into slow motion. 

I started to get up as people were either running to or away from us, and I looked to see the Commander was on the ground where I had been standing; I started moving toward him and it seemed to take forever, but as I approached I saw it…blood, lot’s of it coming from his head…he had been shot! 

The next thing I know I’m in what the Elishian’s call a medical transport, the Commander was on life-support, for the projection pellet had lodged in his right temple and his vitals were all over the place…he was dying, and it was all my fucking fault. It was like I was out of body, for it was like seeing my own body moving, my own voice giving aid and instructions on the human anatomy to the Elishian doctors, until they pushed me outside of their operating room and made to wait…I never waited for anything as important as I did today; would Chakotay live or die? 

I paced the floor waiting…praying, not that I knew to who or cared, only that they would listen and let him be okay; but I forgot once again that I’m the higher power’s play thing…most times they ignore me, but when they do listen…they twist it all around; this was no exception. Minutes dragged kicking and screaming into hours, and I prayed that Voyager was in orbit…shit, if they had been…? 

I walked miles in that little twenty by twenty room, when the head surgeon entered the room and at first by the look in his eyes I wanted to fall to my knees and cry; but his words froze me in place…

“He’ll live.” 

I was then going to jump for joy, but again his words froze me in place…

“But there were complications.” 

Complications, that’s what he called it. They should have let Chakotay die, he would have preferred that, I know I would, but no, they had to save his life…or what was left of it. I only remember the doctor’s voice droning on and on about the particulars, but none of it registered after the words ‘Brain damage’, nothing else really mattered, now did it? 

Again I was on autopilot, walking with the surgeon as they led me through the halls to where Chakotay was resting after the operation, they didn’t think he would wake up for hours yet, but their law enforcement wanted to speak with me; so I told them at first I didn’t know what happened; they later told me the chain of events that led to the Commander saving my miserable life at the cost of his own. 

It doesn’t seem to matter that he’s laying there now, breathing, I recall the moment he woke up, his eyes blinking, then suddenly he became combative, anyone or anything near him he started fighting, tore the IV our of his arm, and it didn’t matter what anyone said, he was frightened and going to fight until the end. They had tried to inject him with a sedative, but they couldn’t get close to him, and when he hauled off and decked the woman who had attempted to get close to him, I knew something was very, very wrong; that wasn’t Chakotay…it was some wild beast…in a strange place, alone and frightened, and surrounded. 

“BACK OFF!” I shouted, not knowing what I was doing, it was more instinct…whether it was to protect them from getting more hurt or Chakotay I wasn’t sure, but they listened, and my voice on some level registered with the Commander, for he stood on top of his toppled bed, panting like a warrior, his eyes blazing, but staring…at me. 

I felt unnerved by his stare, but someone had to do something, and he had opened the stitches in his head, and his arm was bleeding, it was only a matter of time before he would pass out, but that might be too late, so I slowly stepped forward, speaking to him, keeping my voice low and calm; my hands out so he could see I had nothing in them and meant him no harm. 

I didn’t expect what he did next; of course I thought he might attack me, but instead he grabbed me and pushed me behind him, like ‘he’ was ‘protecting’ me…me! I felt touched and like I wanted to cry all at the same time; that even in this hazed state that he would think of me…someone I thought he hated; but how could he hate me and want to protect me with such determination? 

I couldn’t think about it at the time, I had to do something, and my heart ached knowing that I had to betray his trust; I had to calm him down, so seeing the sedative on the ground, I took it in hand and when he wasn’t looking I injected it. The look in his eyes tore at my soul, as if he knew I betrayed him; though I kept using my voice to sooth him, and let him know I was there and we were both okay. Just before the sedative took affect, his hand reached up to my face, and caressed it as tears fell down his cheek…he was crying…for me. 

The moment he was asleep, they took him from my arms and got him situated, and secured; they couldn’t believe that anyone like the Commander could act like he just did; it was quite the surprise. I had to keep myself from laughing that they didn’t have a clue to the multiple facets that made up Commander Chakotay; First Officer of Voyager, Maquis Captain, Professor of Advanced tactical strategy, twelve commendations since entering the academy at age 15; that was a real kicker, even I had to wait until eighteen regardless of my dad, and dedicated spiritual man; and those are only the facets I knew about, for one look into those dark passionate and stoic eyes one could tell there were many hidden depths there…but no more. 

They have kept him sedated and just informed me that Captain Janeway is on her way and has been given a full report. Though according to Elishian law we were not at fault, and that the ‘pimp’ had only intended to scare me in order to get credits, it doesn’t matter…I caused this; I know it, she’ll know it, everyone will know it…but Chakotay, he won’t seem to know anything, not according to the Doctors. 

No, there is no explanation for this…simply it was my fault. 

************

“Well?” 

“I can’t regenerate what isn’t there.”

“What do you mean, isn’t there?” 

“Just that, they have removed the damaged area of the brain…”

“What…?” 

“They had no choice, if they didn’t, the Commander would have died...”

“Perhaps they should have…” she covered her mouth, she didn’t mean that. Janeway closed her eyes and held back the tears, as she stood in the EMH’s office, with Tom sitting silently in the background. “What…what can we expect?” she finally asked after composing herself as best she could. 

“I will not know until he is awake and I can scan him and monitor his behavior. From what I have been informed of and what medical records I have received, the part of his brain that is dedicated to the higher functions, such as reason, logic, complex thinking, had been damaged, along with some of his other mental functions. The portion of the brain that is functioning is that which keeps the body going, the ‘primal’ brain, thus his combative state when he awoke, which is also a sign of brain damage. 

“They…” she cleared her throat, trying to keep herself from breaking down, this wasn’t the place or time, even if it was her best friend in the other room, “They said that if he was lucky he’d have the mentality of a…child; he can’t…” this wasn’t working…she had to sit down, and just be silent for a minute. 

“Captain, I will do everything I can, but the human brain is a mystery even with today’s medical break through’s. I…I can’t make any prognosis, until I have more information, I’m sorry.” 

“I’m sorry, Doctor, I…”

“Are holding up very well considering your First Officer and best friend is lying in there hurt,” the Doc stated supportively. “For your sake as well as the crew, I think its best we remain in orbit for a few days; I don’t think anyone is up to their full duties at the moment.” 

“I…I agree,” she stated softly. 

A crash and a growl got everyone’s attention; it was coming from inside sickbay, and all three dashed out of the office to see Chakotay was up, having broke the level 2 security field typically used on confining patients. He was still dressed in the Elishian medical gown, though he no longer had an IV, his head still had a nasty scare, for the Doc hadn’t had time to deal with it, and he was stumbling around trying to figure out where he was. 

Tom once more saw the frightened look, “Commander,” he called out, but there was no reaction. 

Kathryn stepped forward, but Chakotay saw her, growled and stepped way, swiping his arm at her to stay away, but she was going to ignore it until…

“Don’t, Captain, he’ll hit you. He hit the nurse, he’s frightened,” Tom shouted with concern. 

Tom saw her freeze in her tracks, and also noticed that Chakotay was once again staring at him…hard, as if he was trying to think. His eyes looked confused, almost pained, and Tom couldn’t help but think he was recalling the betrayal and the sedative. “You were hurt, and needed to sleep. I brought you home,” he found himself saying softly as he stepped forward, wondering if he would be allowed close or if Chakotay would punch him like he did the others down below…he took another step. 

“Lieutenant…?” Janeway said cautiously. 

“It’s all right, Captain,” Tom said softly, his hands out again, but this time he didn’t approach as fast, just slow baby steps, his eyes locked on Chakotay. In the corner of his eye he saw the Doc getting a sedative read, “Don’t sedate him, or he’ll never trust any of us,” Tom found himself stating, wondering when he became an expert on Chakotay, but some how his gut knew or perhaps recalled that Chakotay took trust serious, and it seemed to still be the case. Still moving slowly, he got within touching distance, and Chakotay took a small step back, looking around him, and saw no one was moving and stopped and stared back at Tom once more. 

“Chakotay, please, you need to sit down on the bed so the doctor can help you,” Tom said very softly, still moving with baby steps, until…

Chakotay grabbed him and once more pushed him behind him, but not before looking in his hands, then put himself between Tom and the others. 

Tom knew this wasn’t funny, but he had to laugh a little, for it seemed that no matter what they were saying, some of him was in there, and this was the first time Tom felt any hope; for if he was as dumb and stupid as they were saying he was going to be, he wouldn’t have checked to see if Tom was hiding a sedative…he remembered, and that had to mean something…didn’t it? 

Janeway eyed the Doc at Chakotay’s unusual behavior, but the Doc simply shrugged, he didn’t understand it any better than she did. Then she eyed Tom. 

“It might be a reaction for the last thing he may recall was his protecting me…he may still think…”

“He’s doing it,” she finished for Tom; for it made some sense. “Chakotay, your back on Voyager, among friends, family…please, Chakotay,” she asked softly wanting him to relax before someone got hurt. 

“Chakotay,” Tom whispered as he neared him, but didn’t touch him. 

Chakotay looked at Tom, and then the others, then back at Tom, made sure his hands were empty, then relaxed a little, and kept looking at Tom, his eyes trying to focus, but…with kindness. 

It was the kindness that through Tom, he expected the determination, the caution, even the confusion, but not the kindness…almost affectionate. He checked himself, “Chakotay,” he said again, this time gently reaching out and touched his arm, and was relieved to feel the strong muscles relax under his touch. “You need to sit down on the bed,” he gestured. 

Chakotay followed Tom’s hand and then looked back at him and smiled…a full blown smile. Tom was blown away, he had never had one of those smiles directed at him…not directly at him; sure he had been around them, participated in what may have brought one or two around, but not been the sole reason and he felt his heart jump. He also felt himself being drawn into deep dark eyes that were still so intense that only a true black hole could possess more gravitational pull…

“Lieutenant, see if you can guide him to the biobed,” The Doc stated. 

The EMH’s voice snapped Tom out of it, and he gently tried to get Chakotay to the biobed, and amazingly the big guy went without any protest. When Tom had Chakotay next to the bed, he patted it, indicating sit, but saw Chakotay stare at him, “Sit,” he said softly then sat on the biobed to demonstrate. “Come on, Chakotay, sit-down.” 

“Well, Mr. Paris, it seems that you have found a way for the two of you to get along,” the EMH quipped before regretting his words. He caught his mistake even before he saw the glare coming from the Captain and Tom. He cleared his throat, even if it wasn’t really needed, and mumbled about subroutines and an overhaul, as he approached the bed. He brought up the scanner and saw the Commander about to jump from the bed…then switched to Mr. Paris, “See, it doesn’t hurt a bit…does it Lieutenant?” he asked, the subtly was play along. 

Tom understood what to do long before the Doc said a word, “Its okay, Cha,” he smiled, “I don’t feel a thing,” he said opening his arms, as if showing he was perfectly fine. 

The Doc turned the scanner on Chakotay and was glad he was a hologram for he could suppress humors events better than humans, for seeing Chakotay hold his arms out like Tom Paris had done, was amusing, especially since he even copied the facial expression or fairly close to it. “Hmmm,” was all he said before looking at the Captain, “I’ll have to run more test,” he said, but his tone was not as hopeful as both parties had hoped. “I’ll be right back,” he stated to go get something. 

“Chakotay,” Kathryn said, moving forward, and was glad that this time Chakotay didn’t move, though he did look at Tom, who nodded and smiled before looking back at her. “It’s me Kathryn, do you…know who I am?” she asked wondering if he understood any of what she was saying. 

He kept looking at her, than back to Tom, and opened his mouth, but nothing came out; even he looked surprised at that, and closed his mouth, trying to think. The struggle was so clear in his eyes and face it was heart wrenching, but then he looked up at Tom and opened his mouth and patted his stomach. “Hungry!” Kathryn said, as if she guessed the magic word. “Your hungry, is that it?” 

“Food?” Tom asked, copying Chakotay’s gestures. Seeing him repeat it, Tom slowly got up from the biobed and moved to the replicator and got a cheese sandwich, not knowing what the Commander would want. He turned to see a wide eyed Chakotay standing over his shoulder staring at the replicator. “Here you go…” he started to say, but he was gently brushed aside as Chakotay looked into the wall, placing his head in the indentation of where the food appeared, looking up, feeling around, until the panel beeped; this sent him jumping back five feet. 

It had to be stress more than anything else, for Kathryn couldn’t help but snicker, “I’m sorry, but he looked like a curious…child,” she laughed, even Tom smiled, until the word child sank in, and both sobered up quickly. 

“It’s only the replicator, Cha, don’t be frightened,” Tom soothed, and handed him the cheese sandwich and the milk, thinking tea might be too hot. 

Chakotay took the sandwich slowly, smelled it, smiled and ate it in three very big bites, and gulped the milk. Then he walked over to the replicator and placed the dishes where he saw Tom get them from, and stared…then picked up the plate and looked at Tom, confused. 

“I think he wants another one,” Kathryn states, feeling how raw her emotions were getting at seeing her best friend reduced to…she couldn’t even put a label on it, she didn’t want too. 

“Ah, good, he’s hungry,” the Doc stated with some enthusiasm. “But don’t feed him too much, for I’m going to have to operate again,” he stated. 

“Why?” Both Tom and Janeway asked in unison. 

“In his last episode, he tore some of the internal sutures, and I’m going to use a cordial stimulator to help the surrounding areas of the brain fire up…”

“What do you mean fire up?” Kathryn inquired. 

“Well, simply there are areas that are not functioning, but they are not damaged directly; I am merely going to ‘attempt’ to see if by placing a nuero pulse through those segments it may catch. It is a long shot, but it will not make matters worse,” he stated as if knowing their next question. 

Tom felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned to see tear filled eyes, and then realized that he had been side tracked by the Doc, and Chakotay was still hungry. He smiled, “I’m sorry, Chay,” he said as he got him another cheese sandwich and more milk, this time to be eaten in six bites. He waned more, but the Doc said no, and Tom found himself playing the heavy. “I’m sorry, but not right now. You have to sit down…”

Chakotay pushed the empty plate at him.

“No, Chakotay, the Doc…”

Chakotay growled and pointed at the replicator as if ordering Tom to get him more food. Had Tom not been tickled pink by the spit fire that was part of Chakotay, he would have been angry; then he remembered that on some level it was like dealing with a child, and they would test their limits…until they moved smack into the wall. Tom put the plate in the replicator and let it vanish, as he folded his arms, looking very stern, “Don’t you order me around, young man,” he found himself snapping, not realizing he was quoting his mother word for word. “Now, ‘you’ get your butt up on that biobed right now, or else,” he stated firmly, pointing to the bed. 

Chakotay took a step toward him, but he stood his ground, “Now,” he cautioned; the threat clear in his voice. He saw Chakotay stare at him, as if weighing his options, and then he turned and moved to the bed and sat down, with the cutest pout Tom had ever seen in his life. Had the Doc or the Captain not been there he would have ran up to him, hugged him and got him brownies, //Sheesh, never worked like that on my mother,// he thought. //But I bet you didn’t look that adorable either,// he mused. 

“Mr. Paris, could you get him to lie down, I have to sedate him,” the Doc stated as he got his equipment together. 

“Sure,” Tom said, suddenly feeling very exhausted. He moved next to Chakotay, and gently gestured for him to lie down, and after two minutes got him to do so. “It’s going to be all right, Chakotay,” he smiled warmly, and was going to step away when he found his hand caught in the large grasp of the other man. He turned to see pleading eyes looking back at him and some fear. 

Tom smiled, feeling his eyes sting with tears, “I’m not going anywhere,” he soothed, clutching Chakotay’s hand with his other hand. “I’ll be here when you wake up,” he promised as the Doc administered the shot and Chakotay fell asleep.

“He won’t be awake until tomorrow morning,” the Doc stated easily, “and you need to get some rest,” he started to say, but seeing Tom’s protest, “I promise, you will be here when he wakes up,” he added. 

“Come on, Tom,” Kathryn stated, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, “I’ll by you a drink, and you can buy me one, for I think we both could use it,” she added, seeing the emotional exhaustion in Tom’s eyes she knew was far worse than her own. 

“Okay, Captain,” Tom replied half heartedly for he didn’t want to leave Chakotay. 

“Tom, for the next two hours, its Kathryn…I don’t think either one of us is in any condition for duty; and I know I could use a friend.” Seeing Tom smile was worth the extended hand; they had become friends to a degree, but they were not as close as she and Chakotay was, this would be a good start for them both. 

The EMH watched them head out as he updated his assistant to what they were going to do for the operation, with hopes that there were be a better prognosis by morning; otherwise, Commander Chakotay would permanently be on medical disability and declared mentally deficient. 

*****End of Part ONE****

Tom stood next to Captain Janeway a mixture of gratitude and disbelief; the woman had made his drink real alcohol, so after several drinks he had past out and she had placed him in his quarters, which allowed him to get the rest he otherwise would not have gotten. He had received a call from the Doc that Chakotay would be coming around in a couple of hours and as promised, he contacted Tom so he could be there…here, as he stood in the doctor’s office waiting for the news. 

“The operation went well in that I was able to heal all the incisions so I could remove the sutures,” the EMH stated proudly. 

“What about the cordial stimulator?” Janeway asked with hesitation. 

“Ah, that went…fair.” 

“Fair? What does fair mean?” Tom interjected. 

“It means that it did fire up the neuron pathways, that were not functioning, some remained working, others did not as others have been working and stopping in random fashion, quite common for patients with severe brain damage; which the Commander ‘does’ have; I’m sorry.” He stated as if he had just declared the Commander unfit for duty; which he was. “I’ve placed the Commander on permanent medical disability, it is unlikely…” 

“No!” Tom shouted, “There has to be a way to fix this,” he stated with angry determination, “There has to be!” 

“Tom,” Kathryn stated, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, for she knew how he was taking all this on his shoulders, regardless of the police report; it was so like Tom, and even if the young man was not aware of it, she knew how much he cared for Chakotay from the first time the two clashed in her present all those years ago. In fact she had been surprised that the two of them had never…she let that thought pass, she needed to be here. “It’s going to be okay,” she soothed, with a tad of false bravado.

“Lieutenant, if there was any way, I would be the first one to recommend it; but server brain damage is a tricky and complex injury to treat, and nine out of ten cases never improve; I am hoping that the Commander will be of the tenth variety; but even then he will never be able to function in any of the capacities he had done so before; I’m sorry,” he stated again, for he truly was. “Over the next few day’s I’ll have to run test to see what he can and can not process mentally, to establish the depth of the damage and see if his brain has or will compensate…”

“What do you mean compensate?” Kathryn asked with peeked interest. 

“It’s one of the many mysteries of the human brain, for as I’m sure you both know we do not use our full capacity, in fact we use only 25 to 35 percent, since it has increased over the last five hundred years, but even still, it is a tiny portion compared to what potential the brain holds. As I was pointing out, since we do not use all of it, some minor brain damage patients and a handful of severe brain damaged patient’s brain’s have ‘compensated’ meaning that another part of the brain normally not used has taken up the task. How that occurs is still unknown to us, it is random and we have no way of determining if this will occur unless it does.”

“So, you’re saying it’s a crap shoot,” Tom interjected, not looking too pleased. 

“Not how I would put it, but yes. Again, the test will give me a better understanding of his condition…” the EMH was saying when a small beep interrupted him. “Ah, the Commander is starting to come around,” he stated, and then let the small party to his biobed. 

Tom was glad to see the ugly scar removed, but it didn’t help relieve the fear of what the results of the operation had been. He stood next to Chakotay’s bed and more on a subconscious level, did he act on taking the Commander’s hand in his own, as he saw dark eyes fluttering awake. “Chakotay?” he called out softly, his voice soothing, hoping to keep the other man from being afraid again. Once again he was greeted with deep dark eyes looking up at him, though there was still some confusion, puzzlement, the fear was not present, and Tom was grateful for this. “Hey,” he smiled, and squeezed the hand within his. 

Kathryn walked up to Tom and smiled down at Chakotay, and felt her heart warm as the dark eyes turned to her and remained warm and continued to lack fear. “Good morning,” she greeted. 

Chakotay’s warm eyes remained for awhile, then his attention shifted, as he began looking around, looking at the Doctor, and all the stuff in the room; the warmth was replaced with more confusion, puzzlement, and curiosity, but still no fear. The EMH ran the scanner over Chakotay, and the big guy ignored it, too fascinated by the other things around him, and started to get up, when the EMH made the mistake of trying to hold him down. 

“You need to remain…” 

Chakotay growled and swiped at the EMH; even though the Doc was unaffected he still stepped back so not to antagonize Chakotay further. “Commander, this is no way to behave,” he stated, hoping that on some level, his words would sink in. 

Chakotay was now sitting up and growling at the Doctor, his eyes narrow, but did sooth as Tom called to him. He slowly turned toward him, blinked as if seeing Tom for the first time, and smiled, as if he had never been angry. He then touched his mouth and stomach, and then pointed toward the replicator wall unit. 

Kathryn smiled a little, though nervous at his rapid mood swings. “He remembers what the replicator is for,” she stated, and she walked over and got him some breakfast. 

Tom had noticed that during the entire exchange between Chakotay and the Doc, the Commander never once let go of his hand. “Cha,” he said soothingly, and gently tried to recall his hand and felt the reluctance, of the other man, “The Doc is only trying to help you, you have to let him, okay,” he added, placing his hand on Chakotay’s arm, “Understand?” All he got was a smile, he didn’t know if Chakotay understood or not. 

He stepped back when the Captain brought the large tray of food for Chakotay to eat, and waited until she joined him, as well as the Doctor. “Okay, now what?” he asked. 

“Lieutenant, I know this will be a lot to ask, but I would like to ask for your assistance in the treatment and care of Commander Chakotay,” the EMH replied. “He seems to not be threatened by you and you have a soothing effect on his aggressive behavior; which I might add is also normal for this type of brain damage. His mood swings may settle; but only with time. His aggressive behavior is a result of typical primal behavior, which he is more prone too, since it is that part of the brain that is currently functioning. Also…” the EMH stopped as he turned to see the Commander has stopped eating breakfast and was now checking out one of the other consoles, pushing buttons and either growling or smirking depending on the sound the panel made. “Lieutenant…?” 

Tom already saw his future painted out before him, he was now labeled as Chakotay’s keeper. //I guess only fitting, since it was my fault,// he thought as he moved to collect the big guy before he did some damage to the console or get frightened by it…neither acceptable at the moment. He gently was able to guide Chakotay back to his breakfast, where the big guy started eating as if nothing had been out of the ordinary, and Tom thought that to Chakotay, it hadn’t been. He looked up at the Doc and the Captain, “I’ll do what I can,” he stated. 

**********

“I’ll do what I can,” he mocked to himself as he wiped the sleep from his tired eyes. It had only been two weeks, and he couldn’t believe how much trouble Chakotay had gotten himself into. The man, even with his limited capacity, as the Doc put it, had an insatiable curiosity…of everything. //Shit, he reminds me of me,// Tom smirked as he sat up in bed, placing on his slippers. He stood up and gathered his robe and headed out of his quarters heading to the mess hall; where Gamma shift was having lunch. 

The Doc had converted a section of sickbay for the Commander to stay for he had to be constantly monitored, but even then, with all the high level security, the man continued to pull a Harry Houdini, as Tom called it…meaning he got out, over and over again. 

Tom saw the gathering by the mess hall doors, and was filled with mixed emotions, for on one hand he knew this was hard on everyone seeing the man everyone looked up too acting either like a wild animal or a spoiled child…//Shit!// Tom thought. //Doesn’t anyone listen…?// he asked himself as he moved passed the group of on lookers. 

He had discovered and reported in an official briefing of the Commander’s condition that no one, and he meant no one, should ever make the mistake and use the word ‘child’ around him, especially telling him he’s acting like one, even if he was; for it set off his temper. Tom felt that on some level Chakotay understood this enough to be angered by it, and when he got angry, all hell broke lose.

The mess hall doors opened and Tom stared at the toppled tables, the food everywhere, and some of Gamma shift, piled on each other, with Chakotay sitting on top of them, eating what looked like pudding. The security guards where there, but they had stayed back, having called Tom, the only one who seemed to have ‘any’ control over the Commander during a fit. //Well, at lest someone listened,// Tom thought as he moved inside, placing his hand’s on his hips like a disgruntled parent. “What do you think you are doing?” he asked as he approached Chakotay, his eyes disapproving, his voice firm, but never loud if he could help it. 

Chakotay looked up and smiled his innocent smile, then gestured to the pudding cup he was licking clean in his hand, and then continued to eat the last of it. 

“Down, now,” Tom said firmly, pointing to the ground. He saw the sadness in Chakotay’s eyes at being scolded, but he had to remain firm, though those eyes could easily break his heart. He waited patiently until Chakotay moved down from the pile of crew members and sat on a table, looking like a berated child. 

Tom didn’t push his luck by trying to get Chakotay to sit properly he had gotten down and the other crewmembers now could get up. He looked around, “Okay, can someone explain to me what happened here?” 

Neelix came out from the kitchen, another person the Commander didn’t seem to mind being around him and moved next to Tom. “I’m afraid it’s my fault,” he stated with regret. “I…I ran out of pudding…” 

Tom looked with surprise, “Pudding, all this is over…pudding?” he asked, but was looking at Chakotay, not Neelix. Then he looked back at the little Talaxion, “let me guess, when you didn’t have anymore, he took it from someone else, right?” 

Neelix looked embarrassed for the Commander, “Ah, yes, several actually,” he stated. “Then Jenny made the mistake of telling him that he was acting like…” 

“No…” Tom said, making sure that Neelix didn’t say it in front of the Commander, since he was calm at the moment. Then he looked at Jenny who had been at the bottom of the pile, “Did you have to say that to him? Couldn’t you have chosen either better words or contacted me?” 

“Tom….he…” she stuttered, her frustration clear on her face. 

“Is not responsible for his actions,” Tom replied firmly. 

“Well, when will he be,” someone in the group behind Tom stated. 

Tom whirled but had not been able to get a fix on the voice. “It’s only been two weeks,” he growled, and seeing Chakotay reacting to his emotions took a deep breath to calm down or Chakotay would get all riled up again. “I know this is hard, it’s hard on all of us, but…” he sighed, he and the Captain, and B’Elanna, and Harry, and just about every senior staff member had given this speech. “Look, bottom line, we just have to adjust,” he snapped. Then he turned to Chakotay and pointed to the door, “Let’s go, mister,” he stated firmly, not knowing what else to do. He watched as Chakotay got up from the table, his head hanging low, and moved out the door, his dark eyes looking up from time to time at Tom, and seeing the disapproval he would then look away and keep moving. 

Tom remained silent as he guided Chakotay back to sickbay, which by now the big guy knew the way, and led him to his room, after lowering the security fields. “Just how the hell do you manage to get out of here?” he asked, as he took Chakotay by the hand and led him to the biobed and sat him down.

Tom didn’t expect an answer as he got a warm cloth and started washing Chakotay’s face from all the chocolate that was smeared there from all the pudding he had eaten. “You’re going to make yourself sick, eating like that,” he stated like an angry parent. Then he sighed, for it was like being a parent to Chakotay one minute or body guard, keeping the big guy out of danger, for he was into everything, even after being told no a million times. They had discussed sedating Chakotay at night, but the Doc said that would only hinder any chances of rehabilitating Chakotay, so they continued on with the vicious cycle of trying to keep him contained, and him escaping and getting into trouble at the worst hours. 

“You know, I haven’t flown Voyager in two weeks, and I miss it,” Tom found himself say to Chakotay. He found he simply liked talking to the big guy, even if Chakotay didn’t understand; it helped him deal with things. “I know it sounds selfish, for then I wouldn’t be here and I know I should be here, not simply because this is all my fault, which it is, but because….it’s where I belong. I know, I know, that sounds strange coming from me, Cha,” he smiled, “But it’s true. You need me, and I guess on some level I need you too.” 

Tom looked up to see Chakotay smiling at him, once again no longer obvious of what had occurred only moments ago. “Hey, don’t get all mushy on me, you know what I mean,” he snapped playfully. “Besides, it wouldn’t be the same with you not sitting in the big chair behind me,” he added as he got Chakotay’s pajamas for him, and helped the big man change…again. 

After Tom got Chakotay settled, and tucked in, he set the nightlight, for it helped the Commander to relax. “Okay, now, go to sleep, and stay in bed, except for using the bathroom, okay?” he asked, knowing that on some level, even if he didn’t get a response, that Chakotay understood him. For the last time Tom told him to stay in bed no matter what, it had proven…messy. Tom knew he had to keep his instructions clear and simple. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he smiled. “Also, behave for the Doc in the morning, I kind of need a little sleep too, Okay?” He leaned down and kissed Chakotay on the forehead, tucked him in again, and dimmed the lights, even with the nightlight, and secured the force field, and then headed back to his quarters, hoping that he could get some uninterrupted sleep. It happened from time to time, just not often as of late. 

************

Since Voyager did need their best pilot at the helm, Kathryn did her best to help the Doc as best as possible, by letting other’s who Chakotay liked to help him out, but even so, if things got out of hand, it still seemed that only Tom had the golden touch. 

Tom was grateful for the light duty, for he needed the time away from Chakotay, even if he cared very much for him; he needed the space for the other man was…a handful. Today he was glad he was on the bridge flying, for it relaxed him, and gave him a break in the two month long routine, for little changed in the Commander’s behavior, regardless of what the EMH said would happen…it didn’t. Chakotay still managed to escape in the middle of the night and get into trouble, the other night; he got as far as to the outer warp core department. B’Elanna had a fit, as did Tom and the Captain, for no one seemed to know how he got there, having to have passed so many security points. Even Tuvok was beside himself, and was unable to unlock the key to this mystery; but this time, not only could Chakotay might have harmed himself, he would have harmed the entire ship, so a security guard had to be posted around the clock, much to Chakotay’s displeasure. 

Tom gave an internal sigh, as he made a tiny course correction. He had been right, it was not the same not having Chakotay sitting behind him, and when Tuvok was sitting there, it only served to increase his mixed emotions of anger and loss. Tom’s drifting was stopped by the sound of the lift door opening and a small gasp from behind him. He turned and was shocked…it was Chakotay. 

Janeway stood up, surprised to see Chakotay on the bridge of all places, but then after that little stunt with the warp core. “Janeway to Tuvok, we have a security situation, Chakotay is here on the bridge” she wouldn’t have believed it if she was not seeing it herself, “Check on your guards,” she stated and closed the channel before the Vulcan could respond, and she stepped forward to intervene, the man, but he smiled and sidestepped her and then jumped into the Captain’s seat, and curled up into it, looking very pleased with himself. 

“Um, Chakotay, you don’t belong here, much less in my seat,” she stated easily, seeing the tension his presence was causing. But Chakotay sat there quietly, looking forward, basically ignoring her. “Tom…?” 

Tom sighed, he knew this part was coming, “Sorry, Jerry,” he said softly to his replacement as he stood up and handed over the con. He turned to the Captain and Chakotay, “Okay, Cha, let’s go,” he stated firmly and pointed to the turbolift, fully expecting him to listen, he always listened… 

“No.” 

That one word sent shockwaves out all over the bridge, for it was the first word that Chakotay had spoken in over two months since the accident. Tom was torn between jumping for joy at the fact that Chakotay had spoken or angry for his defiance; he settled for stunned. “What did you say?” 

Chakotay looked at him; his eyes still warm, but determined, “No, I stay!”

A full sentence! As Tom stood by Chakotay, he saw the Captain contacting the EMH and informing him of the situation, and he heard that the Doc was on his way. He smiled, then recalled the situation, //perhaps a compromise,// he thought. “Well, if you are going to stay, you should sit in your seat,” he stated, pointing to the empty one. He saw Chakotay look at it and frowned, //Okay…// “It’s where you sit, right behind me,” he stated warmly. “See, I sit here,” he moved to where Jerry Betahart was sitting at the con, “and you sit here,” he finished moving to the First Officer’s chair. 

Tom watched Chakotay look and stare for a moment at the other chair, then at Tom, then leaped from the Captain’s chair into the First Officer’s chair, and glowed. “You fly,” he pointed to Tom, almost an order, “I watch.” 

Tom couldn’t help but smile, the man was talking; so what it if was tiny sentences, he was talking! “Okay, I’ll fly, but you don’t move, okay?” he grinned, thrilled at finally being able to communicate with Chakotay. 

“Okay.” 

Tom looked at the Captain who also looked thrilled, but it was clear that Chakotay couldn’t stay too long on the bridge, even if the tension had eased. He nodded to his station and she nodded her assent as the EMH arrived. Tom moved to take his station, though kept an ear on what was happening behind him. 

The EMH scanned Chakotay and though happy, was puzzled, “It seems that some of his non-functioning pathways have fired up and seem steady. I’ll have to do some more tests later.” 

“So, is it…safe?” Kathryn asked with concern, if Chakotay was up on the bridge. 

Tom heard the voices of the Doc and the Captain fade, which meant they were moving out of hearing range of Chakotay. He turned slightly to observe Chakotay out of the corner of his eye, and stopped, it seemed like Chakotay was not staring at him or the screen but beside him, his eyes look like they were focused, and when he nodded his head, Tom fully turned around, but whatever it was he thought he saw, was gone, as Chakotay smiled warmly at him. “Cha, are you okay?” he asked evenly. 

Chakotay nodded yes, and smiled warmly as if nothing was out of the ordinary, a typical look for him at times. “I fine.”

Tom turned back to his station, but something in his gut told him otherwise, but he didn’t have any reason to think that. He focused on his task until the Captain informed him that his shift was over and that he should take Chakotay back to his room in sickbay. Tom agreed easily and was glad that Chakotay didn’t give him any trouble when asked to leave, and quietly accompanied him to sickbay. 

“Hungry?” Tom inquired of Chakotay as they entered sickbay. 

“No, sleepy,” Chakotay yawned. “Tom sleep?” 

“I’ll probably go lay down after getting you settled,” Tom smiled at Chakotay’s concern for him. 

Chakotay lay down and shifted to side, “Tom sleep,” he said, patting his bed. 

“Ah, I don’t think…”

“Tom sleep,” Chakotay asked again, but this time his dark beautiful eyes looked pleading at him, and Tom knew he was in trouble big time.

//How am I going to look after him if all he has to do is look at me that way?// he asked himself as he found himself curling up to Chakotay and sharing the pillow. Feeling Chakotay’s strong arm over his waist made Tom think of many things, but sleep was no longer on the list…the man’s body was firm and strong, and smelled heavenly…//Stop it right there!// he told himself. //Chakotay may be in the body of an adult, but he has the mind of a child, so don’t even go there,// he scolded himself firmly. He lay motionless until he heard the soft snoring of the man behind him and he slipped out from the hold on his waist. 

He tucked Chakotay in, “poor thing, a simple trip to the bridge wore you out,” he smiled softly, and then headed out to see Tuvok speaking at great length with Alaya and Davidson. “What’s up?” he asked, knowing it had something to do with Chakotay. 

Tuvok turned toward Tom, “If it had been other officers on duty, I would question their report, however, Lieutenant Alaya and Ensign Davidson were on duty and I have never had reason to doubt them. They stated they never left their post, and that when Chakotay had stepped into the lavatory, he never emerged. How he got to the bridge in the time it took them to take notice of his disappearance at the same time as the Captain notified me of his presence, is the mystery at hand. 

“Well, it’s the same mystery as to how Chakotay keeps getting out with our top security fields and monitors around him. Have you watched the security recordings?”

“Of course, and the only pattern is that he manages to step out of their range just prior to his escaping though they are in different parts of the room, so no clear pattern has been established,” Tuvok replied. 

“You mind if I take a look at them, some times a new pair of eyes can pick up something others have not,” Tom stated, not trying to step on any toes, but this was getting out of hand. 

“I would welcome the assistance,” Tuvok replied. 

This alone told Tom that Tuvok was out of ideas, “Okay, I’ll go do that now,” he said and exited to head to his quarters.

***********

Tom was eating while watching the numerous tapes, and to be more comfortable he transferred the tapes to his portable pad, but after hours of watching the same thing as Tuvok had described and nothing stuck out; first he was there then he was gone, Tom’s eyes started to become heavy. He rubbed his eyes, and closed them only for a second…

“They’re serving chocolate pudding in the mess hall, want some?’’

Tom shifted and realized he had been sleeping, but the odd voice startled him. //Odd voice?// he looked at his pad, it had been replaying the hours of footage as he had instructed, but the energy pack was almost run down, but it was still playing. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get us out of here…*giggle* Come on, over here.” 

Tom stared at the recording, as he saw Chakotay move off screen of the camera and vanished, as he knew he had done all those weeks ago. He rewound the recording, even as the power level indicator blinked…this slowed the recording down extremely, and once again…there it was, another voice, talking to Chakotay, offering to get him out. He pushed the tape forward and there again, just before the recording died…

“I’ll look after you, and together we’ll have lots of fun…” the voice said before the recording died. 

“Oh my word,” Tom stated in disbelief, “Paris to Janeway” he commed immediately. 

“What can I do for you Mr. Paris,” She asked easily. 

“I’ve discovered how the Commander has been getting out,” he stated, the concern full in his voice. 

“Please, inform us,” Tuvok’s voice joined. 

“Captain…we have an alien intruder that’s doing it, and I have proof.” Tom stated as he stood up and gathered his data rod preparing to exit and show his proof to the Captain. 

“Tom, what did you say you’re breaking up?” Kathryn’s voice replied, her voice full of static, and then it was gone. 

“Captain? Captain?” Tom called out, and then headed to his door, but it wouldn’t open. 

“Some people should learn to stay out of other peoples business,” a strange but familiar voice stated. 

Tom whirled, and saw a small human looking boy that could pass as one of Chakotay’s tribe members. “Who are you?” Tom asked, though he knew it was the one he had heard on the recording. 

“Someone who’s going to teach you a lesson in minding one’s own business,” the little boy stated firmly, his dark eyes looking angry. Then they eased up, as a spark of mischief filled them. “You like games, Tommy? Tay does,” he chuckled. 

“No, I don’t like games, and you leave…”

“I’ll play with anyone I want,” the boy stomped his foot. “And it’s too bad, for whether you want to play or not…as they say…the game is afoot!” The he stepped back into the shadows and was gone. 

The moment the boy vanished Tom’s door opened and Tuvok was there with security, “Are you all right, Lieutenant?” he inquired. 

“Yes, but as I was trying to tell you, we have an alien intruder…”

“Mr. Paris,” it was the EMH.

“Go ahead Doc.”

“You may want to come to sickbay, and notify security…Commander Chakotay is gone.” 

*******End of Part Two*******

He didn’t like this place; it was dark, a bit cold, and worse of all, no Tommy. He folded his arms around his chest and pouted, for he also knew that he couldn’t go unless the other let him; it was part of the rules to the game and he said he would play, but now he wanted to stop playing…he didn’t like this place and he wasn’t liking this game. 

//I want to go home, please,// he thought to the other, the one that came to him and spoke to him when others only spoke at him; except Tommy, he was kind and spoke to him, but he couldn’t answer him, he could answer the one. 

“Not yet, Tay, the game has just begun,” the small boy smiled easily as he came into view. 

//I don’t like it here,// he stated, feeling scared and alone. 

The boy moved next to him, he was small compared to the big man, but this didn’t bother him in the slightest as he placed an arm around Tay’s shoulders, “Hey, it’s going to be great fun, you’ll see. This time we have Tommy playing…you like Tommy, don’t you?” the boy asked, though his words sounded innocent his eyes looked menacing. 

//Oh yes, I like Tommy,// Chakotay smiled, his face all a glow of thinking about the blond that kept him company everyday, besides the one. 

“Well, if you quit the game now, he may not play with us anymore, do you want that?” the boy asked. 

//No, I want Tommy to play with us,// Chakotay replied in thought, so he sighed, and realized he would have to stay here a bit longer. //What do I do?// 

“That’s simple, Tay. You stay here until Tommy find’s you, its hide and seek, and your hiding,” the boy smiled. But seeing that Tay was unhappy in this place he closed his eyes and the place brightened up and filled with warm light and soft cheery music, “better?” 

Chakotay smiled, this was much better, though he would still rather be home, this was much better than the dark; and Tommy was playing…looking for him. Normally it was just the two of them playing hide and seek, and he usually did the seeking, until someone caught him and took him back to his room. //I like…until Tommy comes,// he smiled. 

“Yes, well, don’t fret, you and I will have lot’s of fun here together, until Tommy comes,” the boy smiled, his eyes betraying that he didn’t want anyone with them…ever. “So while we are waiting how about in the mean time we play a game of solders?” 

Chakotay looked at the one, //Okay.//

“You know, we really are going to have to work on your dialogue,” the boy teased. 

“I…sorry,” Chakotay said, though it was difficult. It was much easier to talk today for the One had helped him; it was very hard without his help, and that was why he was glad the one could hear his thoughts. 

The boy looked truly sincere and kindly at the man before him, even his eyes had real compassion for him, “Don’t be sorry, Tay. I promised to help you heal, and I will, it’s just going to be slow, that’s all. Now, who do you want to be the good guys or the bad guys?” he chuckled. 

Chakotay also laughed, //Bad guys, this time…I’m going to kick your butt!// 

The small boy smiled, his eyes sparkled as he brought toy solders into being in their new little world.

**********

“Rose are red, violets are blue, I have Tay…screw you!” Tom repeated as he looked at the scribbling etched on the wall in Chakotay’s medical room. “Charming,” he stated, as he folded his arms against his chest, trying to keep clam, though he was anything but calm. 

“Anything?” Janeway asked as she saw Tuvok enter sickbay, after searching the ship with the sensors and had the crew manually looking as well. 

“We didn’t find any sign of Commander Chakotay; however, I did find this note addressed to Lieutenant Paris, in all places the lowers of jefferytube 39.” He handed over the purple envelope over to Paris. 

Tom took the envelope and saw it was addressed to Tommy, and stated, two points for getting this far. He moved to the computer and scanned it first, but it was ordinary paper and there didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary. He then opened the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper and unfolded it, and read it out loud. 

“Part one, the rules of the game: I’ll leave clues, and if you solve them all, you will find Tay, otherwise he’s mine…that’s simple enough even a fuck up like you can understand. 

Clue number one:   
To get clue number two   
you’ll have to know what to do   
and that is to call out my name  
to move on to the next part of the game.   
I am from his past and your future,   
and he has given you my name when he felt the need to nurture.   
My powers are ancient but my spirit is young,   
my intentions are random, but goal to always have fun.” 

Tom finished the letter and looked at the others with him, and he noticed they looked as puzzled as he did. 

“Great, and alien with a sense of adventure, sounds almost as annoying as Q,” Kathryn stated, then arched her brow, then shook it off, “No, if it was Q, he’d let us know straight up, this isn’t his style. 

“Thank you, Kathy, I appreciate that,” the tall slim alien male stated as he appeared behind her, looking rather touched. 

Tom looked at the alien, “If any of your people….”

“Easy, Helmboy, I nor the continuum has anything to do with this little situation, I was simply passing when I heard the touching comment my dear Kathy made about me,” he smiled. 

“So, that rules out Jr.,” Kathryn stated, then looked at Q. “Well, since you’re here, perhaps…”

“Ah, Kathy, you know better than that,” he smiled. Then he looked at Tom, Q’s eyes were not quite as bright as they were when he first appeared, “I can’t give you the answers, that would forfeit the game and you would lose Chuckles forever,” he stated. “I can however give you help, but only one time; it can be now or later…but only once, so I suggest you put your heads together first before calling on me. Though I will tell you this, there are entities just as old as the continuum and some have interacted with your people for eons.”

Tom’s mind whirled, if he could get Q’s help once…he looked at the entity, “Can you heal Chakotay fully?” he asked, with some hope. 

Q felt placed on the spot, but he knew that question was coming, “It isn’t my role in this situation, Helmboy, and besides, if I did that, it would only make matters worse, not that you would understand that. No, I will help ‘you’ one time in winning the game, but once, and no, I will not take you to the end of it either…sorry, but there are rules for a reason. Call me if and when you decide you want to use your…get help free card,” he smiled and vanished. 

“Good, try, Tom,” Kathryn stated as she stepped next to the young man, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’ll call the senior staff, I’m sure together we can figure out this…alien’s name,” she stated, and then moved off with Tuvok, leaving Tom alone with his thoughts.

//I shouldn’t have left him alone,// his mind chided, //But you didn’t know…// he sighed, it didn’t matter, Chakotay was gone, probably afraid, alone with some alien…he felt angry, worried for the man he loved…//Love?// he sat down in a chair, “Damn of all the times to admit it,” he said to himself. He felt the sting of tears, but wouldn’t let them fall, he had think, so he wiped his eyes and headed out to join the others, having faith that together they would solve this first clue and he could get this stupid game over with and get Chakotay home…where he belonged. //Then I’m getting him out of that stupid room, where I can keep a closer eye on him and take care of him,// he told himself, for he had no intentions of ever letting Chakotay fall prey to anything like this again. 

***********

They had spent hours going over and over the stupid clue and came up with nothing. Harry even started getting creative and making up names, and though distracting, it didn’t get them anywhere. The Captain called it, and told everyone to get some rest and they would start again first thing in the morning; but Tom knew he couldn’t sleep. 

He wandered the halls deep in thought, as the clue rolled over and over in his mind, for he knew it by heart by now. He found himself out side Jeffries tub 39 and wondered what was so special that this alien would hid the clue here? //It’s not like anything happened here…//Tom thought as he sat down by the entrance. He was tired, but sleep was avoiding him, and he laid his head to rest on his knees, one eye open, and let his mind wander, no longer able to direct it. Soon all his vision could focus on was the number 39 and a wild idea struck him, //I wonder if the number has anything to do with Chakotay?// He stood up and headed back to his quarters and accessed Chakotay’s files, well those he was allowed access too, and it took him a few minutes; but once the answer presented itself it felt like a punch in the gut…Chakotay turned 39…today; it was his birthday and no one remembered. “Shit!” Tom groaned as he thumped into his chair as realization hit him, “how the hell could we forget?” he asked himself, knowing that any answer was no excuse. Then he sat up, as another realization dawned on him, “This is centered around Cha…” he said softly.

He rose from his chair and headed to Chakotay’s quarters and with a bit of fancy code work entered in the First Officer’s quarters. Sure he could have woken the Captain or bothered Tuvok, but he didn’t see the point, besides, he knew the Captain would feel bad enough when he told her they forgot Chakotay’s birthday. He moved inside and found the place lacking, for he could feel that this room missed its occupant as much as he did, it was strange. He turned on the lights and slowly roamed around the room, and looked closely at all the Native American pieces of replicated work that Chakotay had and some of the items he had made; Tom recalled when Chakotay had told him about the small carving he had been working on while they were on an away mission. It was one of the first steps of them getting past their animosity toward each other. 

//He gave you my name when he felt nurturing…// Tom recalled the line of the clue once again. //Gave you…// Tom sat down in a chair that faced the stars, and stared, letting the thought boil in his head. “The letter was addressed to Tommy…me…so; he gave…me…his name when he…Chakotay, felt nurturing…” Tom felt his brain buzz, that buzz when you know you’re close to something but not quite there. He stood up, “Okay, we all agreed that with Q’s little tidbit of information, and the reference to spirit, that perhaps it something associated with Chakotay’s past or better still his culture,” Tom spoke to himself. “But Chakotay has never been…nurturing…well at least to me, and he’s never called me anything but Paris, or Lieutenant…to my face,” Tom said as he whirled on his reflection in the window. His smile was big, and then it started to fade, “but to find out you would have to listen to his personal logs…that would be invading his privacy,” he said to the reflection looking back at him. “True, but what if the answer is there? But what if it’s not?” he looked at himself for a little while, “Well, one way to find out…right?” he sat down by the computer and started hacking, for he knew the Captain wouldn’t approve of this course of action. Once he was in, he still didn’t feel right reading them, when his brain sparked again. 

“Computer, compare all words in this personal log to that may make reference to any ancient spirits in any known culture,” he stated, feeling quite proud of himself. 

Tom’s pride started fading, “Okay, how many of them are references to Commander Chakotay’s culture?” 

 

“Okay…ah, how many are ‘different’ references, meaning not the same word?>

 

“List the words,” Tom stated, feeling he was on to something. He looked at the screen, and saw Great Spirit, Great Grandfather, Great Grandmother, Pooka, and Coyote. “Okay, this may be something, out of the 123 references, how many are associated with the words Pooka and Coyote?” he asked the computer. 

 

“Okay, show me those logs only,” he stated, hoping not to invade Chakotay’s privacy too much. 

the Computer asked. 

Tom sat quietly, “How about…no, instead, give definitions to both references first,” he stated. Then he watched the screen light up; Pooka: an impish spirit known for it’s playful and unpredictable behavior that does not always aligned with what others find amusing, especially its victims. Coyote: one of the oldest and notorious animal spirits. Originated among the Native American culture as early back as records can determine, to the early days of the Indian culture, also known as the ‘Trickster’. This Native American spirit is said to not only be powerful, but can be dangerous, for it is unpredictable, and easily can ‘trick’ many of its victims. However, it is also said that Coyote is one of the most powerful medicines, for it not only can it manipulate its enemy, it also is a powerful teacher of life lessons; though one must be careful for the very lesson may be not to take Coyote too seriously or to take him very seriously. The only constant is that Coyote always has a reason for his antics, even if no one else understands them at the time they appear. 

Tom sat back, after reading this information and thought quietly for a moment, “Computer, how many of these two references are associated, ah, in the same…sentence or paragraph as Tom Paris or any form there of my name?” he inquired. 

Tom sighed, more apprehensive about what he was going to do then excited about his discovery, “Show all 27 logs in order,” he stated, and watched them come into view. He leaned forward and started reading…

…by the time he was done, Tom Eugene Paris was in tears, for he knew…he knew that Chakotay had fallen in love with him, and it was that above anything else that prompted him to save his miserable life back on the planet. He also knew who he was dealing with and felt a shiver of fear run down his spine. He stood up and turned to the open room, “Okay, Coyote, it’s time for round two,” he stated as firmly as he could. 

Just then the boy emerged from the shadows, his eyes red, his look menacing, “So, you found out my name, good, otherwise this would be rather boring, though in the end it doesn’t matter, you will lose…a fuck up like you could never beat the likes of me. Why don’t you just quite, I’ll take Tay, and you’ll be free to go back to you miserable little life, and Voyager would be free of its burden.” 

“Chakotay has never been a burden,” Tom snapped, though trying to keep his anger in check, for this alien was old and according to what little he just learned dangerous. “And I will ‘not’ give up on Chakotay…never.” 

“Come, on, Tommy, you gave up on everything else, including yourself, what makes this any different, or is it that you feel so guilty that you need to ‘care’ for Tay as a form of absolution?” 

“No,” Tom snapped. 

“No? No…now, just who do you think you are dealing with? You can’t fool me, Thomas Eugene Paris, yourself perhaps, but not me.”

“Perhaps it started out that way, but…”

“But...but…but…you’re full of excuses aren’t you?” the child like form sneered. “It’s either whoa is me or but…but…,” he sighed in disgust. 

Tom felt his cheeks flush with anger, but he was able to recall this wasn’t about him, “This is about Chakotay,” he stated, trying to ignore the taunting looks the child spirit was giving him. “I don’t know what any of this has to do with you…” 

“Me? Why, this has a lot more to do with me than it does you, flyboy. And if you know an once about the man you so called…’love’” he said sarcastic, “than you wouldn’t have asked such a stupid question. Though all you need to know now is the Tay is special…and because of him…” the child like spirit eased his posture, “we will continue on with the game; I believe you required round two…yes?” 

“Yes, I did…” he was going to say more but before he could say another word everything around him blurred. He blinked for the sunlight was hurting his eyes. It took him a moment to notice that he was standing in the middle of a lush green forest as the wind blew warm and the blue sky smelled fresh and he was near a small pond. He looked around and saw the small boy sitting on a rock. “What am I doing here?” he asked. 

The boy chuckled, “That’s for me to know and you to find out,” he grinned and vanished. 

Tom closed his eyes and sighed, wondering if he should call Q now or not. //No, I only get one shot with him, better not waste it,// he thought. I’ll just take it slow, and I’m sure something will make itself known. 

“Ah, there you are,” a firm but friendly voice spoke from behind him. 

Tom turned to see a tall strong looking Native American male that looked kind hearted as he also looked relived to see him. “Um…do I know you?” he asked softly. 

The older man laughed as if Tom had made a joke, “I know I call you contrary, but please, son, your Mother has been looking for you, and it will not do either one of us any good to keep her waiting,” the older man smiled. 

Tom’s eyes grew wide, then turned to the pond and looked down, and the face that looked up was not his own, but a young Native American boy about fourteen or fifteen in age. He raised his hand to his face, “Oh boy,” he said softly

“Chakotay, we must go,” the older man stated firmly. 

Tom turned with even more surprise…this man called him…Chakotay, so this guy had to be…Kolopack, his father. He was in Chakotay’s body and on Dorvan V, without a clue as to why. 

*****End of Part Three****

Tom moved slowly as he walked next to the man that that was well known to him by name, but knew very little about; Chakotay’s father. He couldn’t fathom why he was here in Cha’s body at this age, but all he could do was go along with it and hope like before things would present themselves to him. 

He was taken by all the beauty of Dorvan and thought the place looked familiar to him, but yet he had traveled to so many places, it was hard to tell, though this place did feel different; it felt…alive. //It also could be how Chakotay views this place and not my own feelings at all,// Tom thought, but then he wasn’t sure, for he still felt all he had before…he gave a mental shrug and let it go. 

The Tribe was simple and yet well organized, and Chakotay’s Mother, though feminine oozed a loving streanght that Tom recognized in Chakotay and as he looked he saw both parents present in the man he loved, and smiled. 

“You are in a good mood, my son, for one who has kept me waiting for over half an hour,” she scolded lightly, the smile twinkling in her dark eyes. “What have the spirits brought in your path to give you such joy, considering not long ago you were anything but happy?” she asked easily, as she handed him a large basket that was rather heavy, but closed. 

“Oh, you two,” Tom said, for it was an honest answer, and he would try not to discredit the good man…err…youth, he was currently taking up residence in by lying; bending it perhaps, but not an outward lie. He couldn’t help but smile as the warmth shining from the tall strong woman’s eyes she gave in response to his answer. 

“Well, you are cause for many of my smiles too, my son,” she replied as she too took up a large basket and gestured for him to follow her, which Tom did so. 

Tom remained quite, taking in all the sights around him, taking notice of the lone male in the distance that looked like he was digging a grave; he was covered in many markings, and his face looked very solemn. “What’s he doing?” Tom asked before he realized he had decided to remain silent. 

The woman, Chakotay’s mother smirked, her eyes dancing as if this question was not totally unexpected. “I see you were not paying attention to your Father last night as we all gathered by the fire; your mind soaring in the stars…yes?” 

Tom felt his face blush, dark complexion or not, though he felt embarrassed for he didn’t want Chakotay to get into any trouble, but then by the look in the older woman’s eyes, this was a typical thing for Chakotay to do. //Interesting,// Tom thought warmly. 

“Well, as your Father explained last night,” she emphasized the word ‘Father’ and smiled as she continued, “Little Bear Running Deer, has reached the final step an initiate Shaman can take before they must be tested by the spirits, as well as be challenged by the two most critical spirits a Shaman must face, Bat and Coyote,” she stated with respect and a silent awe. 

Hearing the name Coyote, Tom’s ears perked up, “Why is that?” he asked matching the woman’s softer tone. 

“Ah, a good question,” she smiles, then looks more serious. “Coyote, the ‘Trickster’ is more than a practical joker as many offworlders think who do not take the time to look beyond the surface; a mistake many of us even make. No, they are the teacher of Life’s lessons, and the tester to see if we have learned them. Coyote will test Little Bear Running Deer to see if he is worthy of being a Shaman, for they hold great responsibility among all, even the Chief Elder of our tribe, for they are the keeper of the tribes soul.” 

“Wow,” Tom found himself saying softly as they continued their walk. 

The older woman laughed, “wow, indeed,” she replied. Then she looked serious again for it was needed of the topic at hand. “Yes, the great ‘Trickster’ holds strong medicine, and he favors few; though they are known to be fair and always unpredictable,” she adds. “And he will not test Little Bear Running Deer alone; that is why we are going to see T’anHolasha’ for she is his chosen and she will need all that we bring her to help her prepare too.” 

Tom arched a brow much like Tuvok would do, “Why? I mean, why would she be tested if Little…err…he is the one studying to be a Shaman?” 

“Because, as were Little Bear Running Deer will take on the role as keeper of the tribe’s soul, it leaves his own vulnerable; thus his chosen’s task…to be the keeper of ‘his’ soul,” she replied as it was the most logical thing in creation. “But she too must be found worthy, for a Shaman’s soul is a heavy burden and not many are up to the task, for it is not the same as one would care for their spouse’s soul; no, it is much more. As the Keeper, they must heal it when it becomes wounded by the world around it, protect it when the world wants to harm it, purify it when it becomes tainted by the enemies that the Shaman must face…yes, Chakotay, the Shaman’s chosen must be worthy, some say even more than the Shaman themselves, but I say for it to be a strong match, they must both be equal to their given task, and Coyote will make sure of it and they will both reach greatness and blessings together, or they will fall together,” she states seriously. 

Tom took this information in, not sure what to make of it all at the moment, “Um, so he is…?” he gestured with his head in the man’s direction. 

“He is digging his grave,” she replies, seeing that she had not finished answering the loaded question her son has asked of her. “To become Shaman, one must die a Shaman’s death and be reborn anew; to do this, the initiate is plunged into darkness, much like a child in the womb, though there are many levels of darkness to be reborn from, many take the most direct. They dig their grave, cover it with a tight blanket so no light may penetrate, and will stay in the grave for twenty-four to forty-eight hours, depending on what fears they must face and overcome in order to be properly born; though he will not take this test until the High Shaman has determined if Little Bear Running Dear and T’anHolasha’ have passed Coyote’s tests.” 

“Oh,” was all Tom could say; for it made sense, but it was all so new to him as well. He followed the rest of the way quietly trying to figure out how this information applied to Chakotay and or him being here. 

*************

He didn’t want to play anymore, he didn’t want to stay here anymore, even if the one was kind and fun, he wanted to go home…he wanted to find Tommy. //Tommy has not come, can I go home now?// he thought to the one. 

“Why, do you not want Tommy to play with us?” the boy asked as he sat in a large rocking chair that made him look even smaller, playing with a toy solder with bendable limbs. 

“Yes,” he said, though his eyes were sad. “He…not here…” he added, struggling to speak the words in his heart. 

“No, not yet, so what? We’re having fun…aren’t we?” the boy asked, his eyes looking critical at the man before him. 

//Yes…but I want to go, please. I wish to find Tommy, he not finding me.// 

The boy shifted to sit up straight in the chair as he tossed the toy aside, giving it no care, “Why? Why would you want to go look for Tommy and leave me behind?” 

Chakotay’s dark eyes looked with wide surprise, “I…no….leave…you,” he said with conviction. “Want…to…find…Tommy,” he stated, and then breathed a deep breath at the struggle to speak. //You’re my friend, I am not leaving you, only want Tommy to be with us.// 

The boy looked sideways at Chakotay, “Promise you won’t leave me, that we’ll remain friends, no matter what?” 

Chakotay’s face glowed, “Yes,” he grinned. 

The boy smiled, but he still looked sad, “Unfortunately the only way for ‘you’ to find Tommy is to go that way,” he said, pointing across the toy filled room that would be the envy of all children to a wall where a large door appeared and opened into nothing but darkness. 

Chakotay looked at the darkness and felt afraid, “Wha…” he closed his eyes, and tried to ask again, “What…is…in…there?” he asked, opening his dark eyes, as his arms closed around the teddy bear that he had quickly became very fond of; a fluff of yellow hair, sky blue eyes in a red and black outfit. 

“Scary stuff, Tay, very scary stuff,” the boy stated seriously. “But…you will find Tommy on the otherside,” he added. “But I think it would be best if you waited here for Tommy to find you…” 

//How long?// Chakotay asked as he looked at the one. //How long must I wait?// 

“Could be hours, days…a life time,” the Boy replied honestly. “That’s up to Tommy, not me.” 

Chakotay look at the doorway, his eyes showing his fear, but still considering the pathway. //How long if…if I look for him?// 

“Less,” was all the boy stated as he slid down from the oversized rocker and stood next to the large childlike man. “But why would you want to go into that dark scary place when you can wait here with me and be safe?” 

Chakotay’s eyes never left the doorway as he listened to the one’s question, “Tommy…need…me…I…need…Tommy” he finally said as he looked at the one next to him, his mind made up. 

“Okay, but remember Tay, once you step through that door, you won’t be able to come back here, you’ll only be able to go forward, and there are many doors out there…”

//How will I know I reach otherside…?//

“For no matter what things may look like, or how many doors you step through, you will know you are on the otherside when you come face to face with Tommy,” he stated warmly, his eyes sad. “You’re sure you won’t stay with me?” 

Chakotay stood up, holding the bear tight in his arms, “I go,” he says softly, then glows, “You…come…with…me…yes?” he asks and holds out his hand. 

“No, Tay, not this time. However, I’ll also be on the otherside;” the Boy smiles lovingly. “And remember your promise.” 

“I…will,” Chakotay says, the fear still with him, but he still hugs the boy, and then clutches the bear in his arms and he steps into the darkness…the door closes behind him. 

The Boy looks at the closed door, his eyes a mixture of sadness and pride, “Good Luck, Chakotay…I will await thee on the otherside,” he whispers, and the world and he both vanish. 

***********

It was cold, and very dark, and a large part of him wanted to change his mind and beg to go back into the warm safe world he just came from, but he knew he couldn’t the door wasn’t even there anymore. He held the bear in his arms as a few tears rolled down his cheeks, wondering if he had made a terrible mistake as he sat on the dark floor, not knowing what to do. 

He sat crying for a little while, then wiped his tears, //Tommy is on the otherside, as is the one…// he thought as he slowly stood up, shivering from the cold and the feeling he was not alone and that whatever it was in the dark was not friendly. He makes a small step forward and stops frighten at the strange howl that fills the dark air; he clutches the bear, //Move…move…// he tells himself over and over again, until his feet are moving, even if he can not see where he is going. 

Soon he is moving faster, though still slow, since he can not see, but then suddenly in the distance there is a light…a fire light, and he moves faster…faster, until he is running toward it. When he gets closer he sees an older Indian and he stops just outside of the light, looking…then he grins, “Grandpa!” he shouts with joy as he runs into the large open arms. 

Chakotay seems unaware that he no longer is in a large body, but once more a small boy sitting on his Grandpa’s lap. “I…I miss you,” he says as he hugs the older man tightly. 

“As I have missed you, Little Chief,” the older man replies, the name is affectionate as he strokes the small boy’s long dark hair. 

The boy giggles, “Tommy calls me Chief sometimes too,” he smiles. 

“Oh, who is Tommy, and why are you so small, Chakotay?” 

The boy looks puzzled, “Tommy my special friend; why should I be big?” he asks in return. 

“Ah, good question, Chakotay, why ‘should’ you be big?” 

Chakotay shrugs, “I don’t know?” 

“Perhaps because as you get bigger you become an adult?” the older man asks, his tone hinting, but not telling. 

“Nah, I like as is,” the small boy says, as he curls into his Grandpa’s lap, feeling safe and loved. 

“Why is that?” 

“It safe here and you love me,” he replies easily, feeling strong arms around him, not realizing he has loosened his hold on the teddy bear and it starts to slip from his grasp, but not quite yet. 

“True, it is safe here, and ‘I’ will protect you, Little Chief, but…what of those you are to protect?” he asks softly, seeing the bear going to fall, and possibly in the fire. He let’s his knees knock the bear, so when it falls, it misses the fire, but still is close. 

“TOMMY!” Chakotay cries out seeing the bear fall almost hitting the fire, and scrambles down to get him and holds him tightly, guilt fills his dark eyes, and then he looks and is glad that the bear is not harmed. He then moves back to his Grandpa’s lap, this time only to lay his head on his lap, “I scared,” he says softly. 

“It is okay to be sacred, Little Chief,” he states soothingly, as he caresses the boy’s hair. 

“But how can I protect anyone if I am scared?” he asks, looking up with his incredibly deep and bright dark eyes. 

“Courage is not a matter of not being afraid, my Little Chief, but facing what fears us because we must…that is all.” 

There was silence for a little while, as Grandfather and Grandson sit in contemplation of what was said and not said between them. 

“I…I can not stay,” Chakotay says softly, still not having moved from his position, his head resting on his Grandpa’s lap. 

“I know, Little Chief, and I am proud that ‘you’ know this. Just remember you are ‘never’ alone, Little Chief, for the spirits, and those who love you is ‘always’ with you. Keep this strong in your heart and nothing can stop you,” the older man states lovingly. 

Chakotay stands up and looks at his Grandpa, he still in a child form, “I love you, Grandpa, and I hope to make you proud of me.” 

“Ah, Little Chief, you have done that the moment you took breath,” he smiled in return, and then hugged his grandson. “Go forward, Little Chief, always forward until you reach your destiny,” he states, and gently let’s go of the small boy, and watches as the dark surround him, he himself becoming nothing more than a memory. 

********

Tom couldn’t help it, he was happy among Chakotay’s family and he found that if he just went along with the flow, things worked itself out, that he didn’t have to fear about corrupting the time line, for words, actions would just fall into place; for this he was glad. 

He thought he understood why he was here after a few days of thinking, that it was to learn more about his nemesis…or whatever Coyote was to him, but it didn’t change his situation nor bring about any changes that would make him think he was close to moving to the next step. 

So as the days passed, he realized that he was learning more about Chakotay, and that perhaps that was why he was here, but something was still just out of reach, and as the days turned into a week, he felt it…something was close to happening. 

He was finishing up his chores when one of ‘Chakotay’s’ friends, Two Rivers, about his age; which was fourteen,’ came up to him. “Hey, have you changed your mind?” 

“About what?” Tom asked, not knowing what this young man was talking about. 

“About going to the Academy, I mean you really should think of going?” the boy replies. 

Tom looked puzzled, for he knew that Chakotay had said he had always wanted to go, and did go…age fifteen, where most had to wait until eighteen or older to get in, if at all. “What…?” he started to ask. 

“I know, your Father doesn’t want you to go, and to please him, you said you won’t take the entrance exam next week, but still…come with me to see the recruiter anyway.” 

Tom was still feeling puzzled, “Ah…?”

“Come on, Chakotay, I heard that some other officers will be there too?” the boy adds with excitement. “Ask your, Mom, she’ll let you go.” 

Tom not sure what to do, simply nodded, and found his...Chakotay’s mother and got permission to go, so long as he finished his chores when he got back. He then accompanied Two Rives across the large woods to the small city where the recruiters office was, and Tom didn’t think much of it personally, he had heard all the stuff this guy was saying from the day he was old enough to understand it, from his own Father. 

He shifted to the back of the crowd of boys and girls, some for Starfleet, others against it, and started looking about, moving closer to the office where he could see the models of the old ships in the window. He stood there looking, when suddenly he felt as if the body he was in had suddenly been struck by lightening, though he felt no pain… his eyes had shifted on their own, as the body did at times, //Keeping with the time line// as Tom would explain it, and they rested on a nine…ten year old boy, that sat in the office, looking very lonely and sad, curled up to a pad. The moment he fully saw the boy, his heart started pounding like never before, and his breathing became shallow and his chest grew tight, while his soul soared…the boy was beautiful. His mind was a whirl, sensing what Chakotay must have been feeling at the time as Tom tried to move passed the haze and see clearer, but the boy was gone. 

Just as he was about to do so, he heard a deep familiar voice from the side of him and he turned to see the recruiter introducing someone…Tom’s eyes went wide, for the man…was Admiral Paris…the boy…himself! 

******End of Part Four******

Slowly moving through the dark, he finally saw more light, though it was faint, he headed toward it; before him was an arch way, but he could not see outside it for the bright light was filling it. Not knowing what else to do he continued forward until he stepped through it and his eyes went wide…there were so many people staring at him; young people, older, and they looked familiar, but it was too confusing for him to process. Then he heard a strong voice and he looked up to see a tall older man, dressed in a uniform, looking at him; his face seemed pleasant, but his eyes…no his eyes were anything but pleasant. 

“Come on,” the tall man said, and waved for him to step out of the door way further, so he did so. He was startled by the applause the people that were standing around him were giving him, but he simply smiled and ducked his head down, feeling embarrassed. 

“It seems my son, Thomas has gotten a bit shy at the moment,” the older man stated to the crowd, and a few people chuckled at his comment and he started talking, ignoring the boy next to him. 

//Thomas?// he thought puzzled, //my name is not Thomas, it’s Chakotay?// “Um, excuse me, sir,” he started to say to the older man that was speaking who called him the wrong name, “But I think…” 

The older man looked down with a semi-patient smile, “you had your chance Thomas, now why don’t you go inside…’now’,” he stated quietly, gesturing to the building that was now behind them. “We’ll talk about ‘this’ later,” he stated as if he was angry but wasn’t going to let anyone else but him know it. 

Chakotay not sure what to do, and feeling very confused, turned around and went inside the building, clutching the teddy bear he still had in his hand; though his hand he noticed was no longer dark, but light…he moved to a mirror and his eyes went wide with disbelief, “I’m white!” he said in horrified astonishment. Then seeing the older man walk inside he turned around scared, especially of the look that the older man was giving him. 

“I’m disappointed in you, Thomas,” the older man growled. “We had you rehearse this over and over again…” he stated, looking close to losing his temper all together. “I hope your happy at how you embarrassed me today;” he continued, “But don’t think I’m going to let this matter drop; no, for when we get back to the ship, you mister, will learn that we ‘Paris’ do not choke in the line of duty, and that’s what you did to day Thomas, you choked,” he snarled quietly. 

“But I…” Chakotay wanted to say he was not this Thomas, but he was interrupted by the strong man’s hands pushing him hard against the wall; so hard he hit his head hard and cracked the mirror behind him too. 

“You clumsy idiot, look what you did now,” the man growled. Then he turned to call for someone stating that his son tripped and hurt himself…a bold face lie. 

The pain felt like fire, but not as much as the pain of the lie that hurt his soul; he didn’t know this man, but his words…his lies hurt him more; but he remained silent as others came to attend him, though he continued to stare at the older man who played his part almost convincingly…almost. 

**********

“That…that’s me…?” Tom said to himself stunned as he watched the small version of himself step out of the building then become shy at all the people around him. “No…speak, speak” he quietly encouraged himself; for he knew what awaited him if he didn’t, but like before, he said nothing, and quietly slinked back inside, not noticing the teddy bear in the boy’s hands. 

He moved to a near by wall that stood to his knees and sat on it, trying to figure out what this was all about. His head was a whirl with thoughts, some his, and some not his…

“So, changed your mind?” Two Rivers asked.

Tom looked up and before he knew what he was saying the words, “Yeah, I’m going to the academy, no matter what,” came out of his mouth. It was then that it hit him; that Chakotay has seen him as a boy…and it was him…

“Disgusting, isn’t it?” 

Tom turned to see he was no longer in the main area, but where he first started this adventure, by the pond, and the boy…Coyote was sitting on a rock, whittling on a stick. “What…?” Tom asked, not sure what he heard. 

“I ‘said’” the boy repeated annoyed, looking up at Tom, his eyes dark, “Disgusting, isn’t it? I mean,” he continues as he gets up, the stick forgotten, “I went to a lot of trouble to convince Chakotay to stay among his people, and all because of…” his face seemed pained, trying to say the words as he looked at Tom. 

“Me…” Tom replied, not sure if it was simply answering the boy or understanding a revelation. 

“Yeah…you,” the boy spit out with disgust. “Who knew that a fourteen year old hormonal rush would cause such trouble?” 

“It wasn’t a hormonal rush,” Tom stated immediately in defense, having felt what Chakotay did. 

“Oh, I suppose your going to tell me…me, that at fourteen, he took one look at little helpless you and boom…fell in love? Please! Like he would choose you…” 

The light struck, “That’s it, isn’t? Tom snapped back, finally understanding some of what is going on here. “You’re angry because he ‘did’ choose me…he chose me to be his chosen, his mate….and….and…not you!” he added, not sure how to finish his statement of recognition. 

The boy’s eyes grew blood red, “Be careful…boy,” he growled, sounding more animal than human at the moment. Then after a moment he calmed down, “You are partially right, he did choose…you; a fuck up, to travel his path with, and even after all the stupid shit you’ve put him through, he won’t give up on the idea…and where did it get him…? I’ll tell you, it got him a bullet in the head, that’s where it got him…over the likes of you!” 

Tom could sense the danger, but he was angry too, “I didn’t…” he started to say, but was interrupted by the boy…

“But I didn’t make him push me away, I didn’t….but, but, but…blah, blah, blah,” the boy snarled. “When are you ‘ever’ responsible’ for your own actions? If you had paid attention during the negotiations you would have heard how to handle the situation, but no…you were spacing out in la, la land…typical.”

“You know, if you hate me so much, why don’t you just kill me and get it over with,” Tom found himself snarling back. 

“Oh, if it were that simple I would, but one…tiny…problem, or have you already forgotten him?” 

Tom’s eyes narrowed, “What does Chakotay have to do with you killing me or not? It’s obvious you can’t stand me and don’t want me in his life…” another revelation dawned on him, “But it is ‘his’ life that we’re talking about here, aren’t we, isn’t it?” 

“Hmm, perception isn’t everything, flyboy,” the boy growled, a tad of admission in his tone. “Chakotay has chosen you…why, beats me, but ‘he’ has chosen you…and I think your little trip here has given you enough insight to understand what that means…yes?” 

Tom stood a moment taking in everything and then sat down on the ground, “The spouse is the keeper of the Shaman’s soul,” Tom replied, recalling Chakotay’s mother’s words. Then he looked up at the boy, “This is a test to see if I’m worthy, yet you have already deemed me unfit, why…?”

“Why? Why do I bother, is that what you were going to ask me? Do not presume to understand me, Thomas Eugene Paris, you know me not…but I…I understand you all too well,” he sneered. Then he perched himself on a near by rock, “I wanted you to understand what position you were in so when I ask, what I’m about to ask, you would be able to answer fully knowing what it is you were doing…that’s why.” 

“And what is that?” 

“I want you to give Chakotay up,” the boy said seriously. 

Tom’s eyes went wide, “I don’t understand, how can ‘I’ give Chakotay up when ‘he’ chose me?” 

“Perceptive, but dumb,” the boy growled. “Do you really think all this,” he waves his hands outward, “is solely based on what only ‘one’ of you wants? No, this thing has been in the making for some time, and now…now it has come to a head, and you…my…fucked up friend, have a chance to help Chakotay, and all you have to do…is let him go; so simple even a fuck you like you can handle it.” 

Tom’s anger was raging, but it was because of Chakotay that he continued to attempt to keep his temper in check, “What do you mean I can help him by letting him go? And stop with the fucking insults and get to the point,” he growled back. 

“Let me spell it out for you, you give Tay up, I keep him, he’ll be happy and well taken care of. Don’t give him up, and well…I hope you know lots of bet time stories,” she sneered. 

Tom’s eyes burned, not solely with rage, but that this…thing, that claimed to care for Chakotay would let him suffer, just because he had a grudge against him. “You have a problem with me, you take it out on me, you leave Chakotay out of it,” Tom growled back as he stormed to his feet. “I happen to love Chakotay, and if by whatever fate there is, that I do have to tell him ‘bedtime stories’ until the day he dies, so be it!” 

“You’d let Tay suffer in your place?” 

“I’d trade places with him in a heart beat, and if you are half of what you are posing to be, you damn well know it!” 

“I know you don’t ‘take’ responsibility for your actions, why would I think any different now?” 

“Try me!” Tom raged. 

The boy stood up on the rock, his eyes intense, “Okay…I will.” 

****************

The cut on the back of his head was quickly taken care of and he was left alone sitting on the medical bed, while the local doctor was speaking to the older man that was posing as his father. He clutched his teddy bear and looked around, “We don’t belong here,” he whispered to the bear. Then he slid down from the side of the bed, making sure no one saw him, which was easy since no one was paying him any attention, and he slipped out, heading toward the exit. 

He saw lots of strange but friendly faces as he moved down the hospital hall way, then taking the stairs, he headed down, wanting to go outside, hoping that once there he could find something to help him get home…not that he was sure where home was. //Tommy would know,// he thought, and hugged the bear tightly as he moved passed some more people and out the front door into the world beyond. 

He looked around and saw across the way a large park, and not knowing where else to go, he dashed toward the park, making sure that it was safe before crossing the street. Then once there he moved inward, looking at all the kids looking at him, some friendly others simply curious, since he looked very different then they did. He gave a shy smile and moved to the swings and climbed on and started swinging, higher and higher, closing his eyes, //like flying,// he smiled. He continued to soar, lost in the feeling, unaware of time or space…just the feeling. 

“What the hell do you think you are doing!” a deep familiar voice range out, bringing his moment of happiness to a crashing halt. 

He opened his eyes and standing before him was the older man, and two other men, and the one posing as his father looked furious. “I’ll ask you one more time, Thomas, what the hell do you think you are doing, running away from the hospital like that?” 

//As if you were worried,// Chakotay found himself thinking. “Trying to go home,” is all that he said, keeping his voice soft as he came to a stop on the swing and hugged his bear. 

“Where did you get that ridiculous thing?” the older man inquired as he stormed forward and snatched it from Chakotay’s hands. 

“Give it back, he’s mine!” Chakotay protested, standing up and trying to grab the bear back, but he was too small to reach. 

“No son of mine would be caught dead with a filthy…” he looked at the bear, “Thing such as this,” he growled, and proceeded to rip it apart in front of Chakotay. 

“NO!” Chakotay roared. 

Everyone around them froze as the boy’s powerful cry, and then noticed the winds grew strong as the sky suddenly grew dark. Those old enough to understand grabbed their children and took cover, those not stood still and watched as the winds blew strong around the small blond haired boy, whose eyes filled with fire. 

Chakotay stood there as anger and rage filled him, at the man…the man that hurt Tommy…his Tommy. “You…will…not…hurt…him…again…” he growled, as his anger grew. 

“Kill him,” a voice whispered “You have the power, kill him and he won’t be able to hurt Tommy ever again,” it continued to say. 

The temptation was strong, for he felt that all he had to do was wish this man dead and he would die; but something held him back, as he continued to stand on the edge of his anger. He saw the fragments of his teddy bear fall to the ground, and though he was angry, another part of him came into play…the need to heal. With a will he knew not of, he pushed the anger aside and slowly moved to the bits of bear and gathered them in his arms, “No, hate begets hate as love begets love, I will not beget my love with hate,” he mumbled and closed his eyes and let his tears fall; the crystal blue water that fell from his eyes dropped onto the bear and with the magic many of Dorvan V knew existed, the bear healed in his arms…

“You have done well, my son,” a strong and different though familiar voice echoed around him. 

Chakotay looked up to see he was no longer in the park, but once again in the dark void, but there before him was a small light and there stood his father, his real father. “Father!” he smiled and ran into warm loving arms. 

Kolopack held tight his teenage son, “You chose wisely, and I am proud of you,” he added as he hugged his son tightly. 

The young man looked up, tears in his eyes, “I was so angry, Father, I…I almost…” 

“Son, we may think many things, but it is what we ‘do’ that counts, that is why we have thought…to sort things out before we act. Plus, there will be many that will temp your anger my son, but you have shown you are strong enough to resist the temptation; to use the spirits gifts out of love not hate.” 

Chakotay held his Father tightly, “I want to go home, Father,” he cried softly. 

“Oh, my son, I wish I could take you, but you have chosen a difficult path, but do not forget who awaits you on the other side…” he smiled, looking down at his beloved son, and then tapped the teddy bear’s nose. 

“Tom.”

“Yes, Tom. Like you, he too is on a path, you would not want him to arrive and not find you…would you?” 

Chakotay smiled with understanding, “No,” he stated, wiping his face with his sleeve. 

“I didn’t think so. Just remember, no matter what, I ‘am’ proud of you, Chakotay. We may not have always seen eye to eye on things, but that never stopped me from being proud of the man you have become and will be; I am humbled that I was honored to be your father.” 

Chakotay’s eye glowed with love for his father, “I love you too,” he replied and hugged his father tightly, before backing away, standing proud, then with one last glance at him he stepped back into the void. 

***********

They were going down…down! The sounds of voices crying out, screaming his name filled his ears…

“Got to help them!” he shouted as he bolted up. 

“Whoa, relax,” a woman stated, gently pushing him downward. “You’re safe,” she added softly. 

It took him a minute to comprehend, he was in a hospital, and the woman next to him a nurse…//Why does she look familiar?// he mind asked, but the answer was not forth coming. “Where am I?” he asked as he lay back down. 

“You’re in Starfleet medical, Ensign Paris,” she smiled gently, her eyes holding something back. 

“Ensign?” 

“You hit your head pretty hard in the accident, I’ll go get the doctor,” she stated as she moved off, keeping a eye on him. 

//Accident…?// He looked around and noticed the burn wraps on his hands, it all looked so familiar…//Oh shit!// he thought as he started to believe he knew what was happening. 

Just then a doctor, his father, Admiral Paris, and another Admiral…//Jenkins// Tom’s mind recalled. //I know what this is all about, // he thought as he remembered everything. 

“Take it easy son,” Own Paris stated as the Doctor scanned him. 

“Son, I know you’re in pain, but…”

“It was my fault,” Tom stated, squaring his shoulders, ready to take the brunt of the consequences for his actions. “I didn’t calculate for the cross winds that ion storm had produced…it was…my fault,” he stated, as he could once more see the faces of his dead crew mates; tears began to fall. He wiped them away and met the Admirals eyes, “I killed them because of my mistake.” 

“Thomas, do you know what you are saying?” Own replied horrified. 

Tom eyed him, his eyes locking on the man he had come to despise over the years, “Yes, sir. I’m telling the truth and taking responsibility for ‘my’ actions,” he stated firmly. 

“Why you…” Own was livid. 

“Own, we’ll take care of it,” Jenkins stated. 

“He needs to rest,” the Doctor stated, as he injected a sedative into Tom’s neck. 

Tom felt his eyes start to close, and another familiar voice stating, “It’s all going to be fine, gentlemen…just fine…” and laughing?

**********

“Lieutenant…Lieutenant Paris…?” 

Tom snapped his eyes open, before him was a view screen and a ship’s console. //What the hell?// 

“Lieutenant Paris is something wrong?” a deep voice asked from behind him. 

Tom whirled and his eyes went wide, sitting there was Commander Will Riker and Captain Picard. He looked around, and next to him was a Lieutenant he didn’t know…//I’m on the Enterprise?// he thought as his face paled. 

“Tom?” 

Tom looked up to see that Will had moved to stand next to him, his face full of concern, “What’s wrong?” he asked. 

Tom was confused, //This isn’t right,// he thought. “I…I don’t belong here,” he stated softly. 

“Tom, perhaps you should report to sickbay,” Will suggests. 

Tom nodded his head and slowly stood up and moved toward the turbolift, not sure what to make of the situation. 

“Lieutenant Murphy, set a course to the Bad Lands, we need to meet up with Voyager if we’re going to capture this Maquis rebel once and for all,” Picard stated. 

“Chakotay?” Tom asked as he whirled away from the turbolift as it opened, seeing Will standing right next to him. 

“Did you know him from the academy?” Will asked softly, escorting Tom into the lift, giving an ‘I’ve got it’ look to Picard. 

Tom looked even more confused, “why am I here?” he asked, trying to grasp the situation. 

“Tom, you were stationed here three months ago, what’s wrong?” 

“No…no, I got tossed out after the hearing…”

“What hearing?’

Tom looked up at Will, “The accident at Caldik Prime…”

“Tom, there was no hearing. Don’t you recall, they did an investigation, and you took your demotion as well as the other extra duties they piled on you; but you hung in there and earned you way back up the ladder, thus getting promoted here; are you sure your didn’t hit your head or something?” Will asked as the lift doors opened, and he escorted Tom to sickbay. 

“No hearing…no getting cashiered out?” Tom asked, his face growing paler by the minute. 

“No, Tom, nothing like that happened; now, let’s get you to sickbay or you wife will have my head…”

“WIFE???” 

“Oh, you do have it bad, whatever it is,” Will said and prayed they get to sickbay soon. 

*********End of Part Five******

Will and Tom walked in and a young crewman in blue, looking about fifteen to eighteen, a baby to Tom and Will, walked up, “I’ve got him from here, Commander, the Captain needs you on the bridge, seems there’s been an accident in the Bad Lands,” he stated as he took Tom by the arm and led him to the biobed. 

Tom looked at the young man, he looked familiar, with his dark eyes and dark complexion, but, it was that shit eating grin that started to annoy him the most, “I know you don’t I?” he stated looking at the young man after Will had left. 

“I said it before, I’ll say it again, Perceptive…but dumb.” 

“You!” Tom growled. 

“That’s right, Tommy boy,” he smirked. “So, what do you think, not bad, if I say so myself…Enterprise…not too shabby?” 

“How….I don’t belong here…I belong…”

“On Voyager? Hmmm, now why would a ‘responsible’ young officer belong on Voyager as an observer to capture a rebel leader he’s never met…hmmm?” 

Tom’s eyes went wide with panic, “You don’t understand, if I’m not there…the cave…Chakotay!” 

The young man looked a bit sad, “Pity, really. But as you already figured out, if your not there to save him…?” 

“You tricked me, you bastard!” Tom growled. “Why…why do you claim to care so much for him and then set me up so he’ll die…why?” Tom shouted, his heart aching at the thought of something happening to the man he loved. 

The young man looked at Tom then laughed, “you really thing I would let Tay die…over the likes of you? I don’t think so. Sure, things will be…very different, but no, Tay won’t die…other’s perhaps, but not Tay; I told you he’s special. Plus, with you here in the Alpha quadrant and him in the Delta, the two of you won’t be able to chose each other as mates…and…tada!” he grinned, “No more dealing with you,” he grinned. “Enjoy your new life, Lieutenant Pairs, it’s the least I could do for you,” he laughed, and vanished. 

“Get back here!” he shouted. “You son-of-a-bitch, you get back here this instant! I don’t care what you have done, I’m not giving up my husband, you hear me…I’m not!” 

“Tom, what’s wrong?” a long red headed woman asked as she stepped forward, a hypo in her hand. “Should I call your wife?” she asked gently. 

Tom knew enough to recognized a sedative when he saw one, “Oh no,” he stated as he got up from the biobed, “nothing personal, but I don’t have time for a nap, and I don’t have a wife, I have a husband…or I will…never mind” he replied and dashed out of sickbay as fast as his legs could carry him; not sure where he would go. He stepped into the nearest observation lounge. 

//That fucker!// he growled. //He tricked me into wanting to take responsibility knowing it would change the time line…knowing that I can’t…// Tom looked out the window to the vast sea of stars, //But I know who can…// “Q,” he called out, “Q, I need that favor, now…please.” 

Nothing happened. //Shit, what if by his tampering of the time line, Q doesn’t or won’t…// his heart ached, as did his head; for he didn’t know what to do. 

************

Another door another test, this much he knew, but everything else that was still blurry. //To reach Tom, I have to keep moving forward,// he recalled, and stepped forward…

Here the weather was bitter cold, but it looked warm enough, as the sun shined in the hazy blue sky and the grass was green and the trees were in bloom, so why was it so cold? A sudden sting to the center of his back made him turn around just in time to see someone duck behind some large rocks; he looked down to see a smaller rock where it landed after hitting him. More out of curiosity than anything else he moved to where the person was hiding and found a small Bajoran girl hiding, and though afraid, her eyes blazed with anger…hatred. 

“Why did you hit me?” he asked calmly. 

The young girl’s eyes blazed even more with hate than her fear, “Spoon head!” she shouted and dashed away as fast as her little feet could carry her over the next hill. 

Chakotay stood dazed at the comment, but the scream of the young child snapped him to and he dashed over the hill to see two Cardassian guards had grabbed the child, and not far from the place he had thought beautiful, if cold, was a barren work camp…a Bajoran work camp. “Let her go!” he growled. 

The Two guards looked up and immediately snapped to attention, but they didn’t release the child. Chakotay had expected them to charge him, not this, and so was stunned; but as he approached it dawned on him, and he looked down at his hands, they were covered in grayish scales…//Shit!// 

“Gul Korleth, the girl is outside…” 

Though the name sounded familiar, Chakotay acted on instinct, “I said…” as he got into the guards face, “Let her…go!” he shouted. 

The guards may have looked stunned but they did release the child, but she remained where she was, her fire dampened by being out numbered by so many. Chakotay looked down at her, “Go,” he said as softly as he could, not knowing what else to say. He watched the girl scamper off back toward the camp, then turned back on the guards, “That goes for you too, go,” he snapped. 

They both saluted him and then left, leaving him to his thoughts. //Gul Korleth…why does that name sound so familiar?// he thought as he slowly walked forward, not sure where his feet would take him or why he was here in a Cardassian’s body of all places. As he neared the camp more of the guards paid more attention to their duty, and whether they knew it or not, they subconsciously led Chakotay to ‘his’ office, for there were many eyes in that direction; hoping he would go inside…he did. 

He sat down in a strong plain chair behind a desk covered with memo pads, and started at the window…something was missing? //Tommy// he gasped, when he realized he didn’t have the bear anymore and jumped to his feet and was heading toward the door when his reflection caught his attention. He stopped and saw the Cardassian’s old face, and a necklace…a pair of wings. He reached up and touched them and smiled, Tommy was still with him, just in a different form; //Guess it would look stupid for a Gul to be carrying a teddy bear,// he chuckled to himself. Then he looked around the office some more and checked out the date; it was during the highpoint of the occupation of Bajor, and that’s when it came to him…who’s body he was in… 

Gul Korleth, the Butcher of Bajor, “Great spirits,” he said in a prayer and in disbelief. //Why has the spirits placed me here? I more than sympathize with the Bajorans…? I can’t change the past…why?// his mind asked over and over again. 

**********

Tom had tried calling out for Q again, but still nothing, and it took all his will not too completely panic. He needed to move, to think…to do something, so he got up and exited the lounge, ignoring the strange looks he was receiving from some of the crewmembers as he moved by them.

//Q said he’d help, damn, now what am I to do?// he thought with despair as he stood in a turbolift, ignoring the other people around him; but followed them out, not sure where he was going, not really caring at the moment…it led him to Ten Forward. He took a quick look around and moved to the farthest point inside and took a seat at a table near the view port, and rested his weary head in his hands, torn between screaming and crying from frustration. 

“Here, this will make you feel better,” a woman’s voice stated. 

Tom looked up to see a strange woman, dressed in dark colors that enhanced her dark complexion. “I…I don’t drink alcohol…anymore,” he stated, for he had given up drinking a few years ago; again an influence of Chakotay, even if the man didn’t know it.

“Then it’s a good think it’s only fruit juice,” she smiled easily as she took a seat across from him. “I’m Guinian, and you look like you could use someone to talk too,” she added. “I happen to be an excellent listener.” 

Tom stared at this strange woman, torn between spilling his guts and not wanting to be dragged back to sickbay. “Ah…I think…”

“It beats getting dragged back to sickbay only to have them sedate you, don’t you think?” she smiled, her eyes encouraging him to trust her. 

Whether it was that obvious or if she was telepathic, Tom didn’t care, she was right; besides, he did need to talk to someone. “Okay,” he stated, “But don’t blame me if it sounds crazy…and it will,” he chuckled, almost not believing it himself. Then before he knew it, Tom was telling this strange woman everything, from being out in the Delta Quadrant, the accident with Chakotay, the strange Alien Coyote, being tricked, and now the change in time line. “So, here I am, and I don’t have a clue as to what to do next,” he finished. 

She sat back a little in her chair, “Sounds to me, that if you’re playing a game, or even being tested, you ought to know the rules, otherwise it’s unfair and not a true test and that makes him a cheater…in my book anyway,” she replied. 

Tom blinked; he couldn’t believe that this woman had responded as if she believed him, “So…you believe me?” 

“What ‘I’ believe is that you believe it, Tom. The big question is what to do next…right?” 

Tom was unsure of her response but nodded yes, “That would seem to be my problem at the moment.” 

“Well, again, to me, if there are rules, it seems to me that it would be in your best interest to find out what they are?” she replied. 

“It’s not like ‘he’s’ going to tell me,” Tom quipped, finishing off the fruit juice. 

“True, but surely there are others that must know the rules, especially if the game is as old as you have told me it is…right?” 

Tom sat quietly for a moment, then it hit him, his eyes lit up, he had an idea, “Yeah, I can…”

“Whoa, don’t tell me, or anyone. Just do what you have to do,” she stated seriously. Then she shifted her eyes over her shoulder. “I suggest you act as if you don’t recall your ‘fit’ as it were and play it dumb, or you’ll be back in sickbay in no time flat; by the way, that woman approaching us is Emily Paris…your wife,” she whispered as she slowly got up and mouthed, “Good luck” and with a small smile to the woman that was approaching she left. 

“Tom?” 

Tom looked up and felt his heart freeze for a second, Emily Paris was Emily Rickerson, the woman his Father had been trying to fix him up with for years until Caldik Prime, which was only one reason he didn’t get involved with her. She was also an opportunist, and Tom couldn’t stand those type of people, //How in the hell did I wined up married to her?// he asked almost sick to his stomach. Then he saw Guinian’s eyes looking at him and he knew what he had to do if he was ever going to get back to his Chakotay, //My Chakotay…I can do anything for him,// he told himself, and made his expression look blank as the woman approached and sat down before him. 

“Tom?” 

Tom looked up and blinked as if seeing her for the first time, “Emily?” he asked, as if he was dazed. Then he looked around, “Emily, how did I get here?” he asked looking very puzzled. 

“Tom, what’s the last thing you remember?” she asked, sounding concerned. 

“Being on the bridge…next thing I know I’m here…” he looked at her for help and gave his puppy dog look. 

The trim slim woman in black and red tapped her com badge, “Doctor Crusher, I found Tom, but he doesn’t recall anything except last being on the bridge,” she stated. 

“That’s okay, Emily. Guinian contacted me and informed me we just traveled through an anomaly, the bridge is checking it out; seems several crewmembers were affected, but Tom the most. Just bring him here to make sure he’s okay will you?” 

“I will,” Emily stated, with a look of relief. Then she looked at Tom, “Come on Tom, let’s get you to sickbay and then back to the bridge, I’m sure Picard won’t be too happy with you missing too much more of your shift,” she stated gently as she got up and lent him a hand. 

//Your all heart, Emily,// Tom mused as he got up and followed her out, but not without a look of thanks to the strange woman…Guinian. 

Seeing Tom leave with Emily, Guinian looked up, her eyes narrowed, “You owe me one,” she stated to no one in particular, then continued on with her bartender duties. 

********

Not sure what to do and feeling overwhelmed, Chakotay looked over the memos on his desk, and saw all the work orders for minerals; it only served to anger him and he tossed them off the desk. 

The sound of the ruckus brought in a young Cardassian scurrying with a weapon in his hand, but looking very protective, though scared at the same time. 

“What?” Chakotay found himself growling at him, seeing no reason to apologize; it wouldn’t be very Cardassian to do so. 

“Sorry, Gul, I heard the noise…I…I…” He bowed and exited, seeing it was the safest thing to do, or at least he started to as another Cardassian pushed his way in. 

“I need to see Gul Korleth, the Cardassian stated as he moved right in the office as if ‘he’ owned the place. 

Chakotay’s memory might have been messed up, but he would never forget this Cardassian, “Dukat!” he spat as he stood up at seeing the younger version of the Cardassian that would be responsible for his Father’s death. His anger seethed in him, his fist closed and opened, as he tried to keep from jumping this man on principal alone, almost not giving a damn about time line…almost. 

The young arrogant Cardassian looked overly pleased that this man knew his name, “Ah, so my reputation precedes me,” he smiles. 

“The reputation that proceeds you…Dukat is not one that should make you smile, now I’ll ask this only once, what do you want?” he growled. 

Even the younger version of Dukat wasn’t a complete fool, and so wiped the smile off his face, “I have been assigned to the western region and was told to report to you first to see what your orders were,” he stated more professionally as a solder would do. 

“Hand me your orders and get out; if I have anything for the likes of you I’ll send someone to tell you, now get out,” he spat, barely able to keep the anger from over taking him. 

“Of course,” Dukat replied, gave a steep bow and a salute and then exited the office after handing the assistant his orders. 

“Would you care for something to drink, Gul, you…look…not well,” the young man stated uneasily. 

“Yes, that sounds good,” Chakotay replied taking a seat, feeling angry, and overwhelmed at the same time. Seeing the young man reaching for what he knew was alcohol… “Water,” he stated, not wanting to drink liquor. 

The young Cardassian turned, his eyes concerned, “Begging your pardon, Gul Korleth, but the water here upsets your stomach, as by your own words,” he states softly. 

Chakotay didn’t like the fear he saw in the young man’s eyes, //Shit this man must be a bastard,// he thought to himself. “Well, bring me some anyway, I won’t hold it against you,” he replied and turned to look out the window, wishing it was warmer in here, he was cold and it wasn’t helping his mood any. “And while your at it, can you do something about the heat in here?” he asked, not meaning to growl, but he was on edge. 

“Ah…”

This made him turn around in the chair in time to see the poor young man spill the water, “What?” he asked, not sure if he was mad or amused. 

“Ah, the Furness is as high as it will go, sir, but….but…I…”

Chakotay waved his hand in dismissal, “forget about it, go,” he said, feeling it better to let the poor boy off the hook. He grabbed up the glass that was now half empty and watched the door close to his office and sipped the water…it did taste nasty. He sighed, and sipped it anyway. //If this place is so miserable to them, then why the hell did they come here in the first place?// he wondered as he sat back, placing his feet up, pondering what to do next in this disastrous situation. 

Just then a siren sounded and he knew this couldn’t be good. After a few minutes his door opened and the young man entered in, his eyes wide, “there has been an escape attempt, sir.” 

Chakotay looked up calmly after, still sitting back, his feet up, “did they get away?” he asked, hoping that they did. 

The young man’s smile didn’t help, “No, sir. It was reported that they have been caught and are being taken to the center square as per your previous orders, awaiting you, sir.” 

//Great,// he thought as he slowly got up, his stomach was aching from the water. Not sure what else to do, he followed the young man out who led him to the center square where several guards where holding five Bajorans, three of them mere children, the older two a couple…it was a family. Nor did it help that Dukat was there too, moving toward him. 

“It would seem today is my lucky day,” he gleamed, “For I get to see Korleth deal out the justice he is well noted for. So, will you kill half of them or all of them,” he asked, the blood lust clear in his eyes. 

Chakotay looked around and saw the other prisoners being dragged out to witness the punishment for attempting to escape, and all eyes of the Cardassian’s looking at him, a mixture of fear and pride in their eyes, but what was penetrating his heart was the fear in the children’s eyes as they desperately tried to cling to their parents as the guards kept them apart. //Spirits, what am I do?// 

***************

Tom had been given a full bill of health, though told to rest, much to the dislike of his…’wife’, but this had given him time to plan. With the extra knowledge roaming around in his head from hanging out with B’Elanna and Harry, he easily hacked into the computer and got his bearings, and set his plan into motion; stealing a shuttle and headed to Dorvan V to find the only person he knew was still around that could help him; the same one who unknowingly helped him in the beginning, Chakotay’s Mother…Maria. 

************

“Sir, we have a problem,” Data stated as he looks up from his console. “I would not have normally noticed it, however, the harmonic…”

“State the problem, Mr. Data, if you would?” Picard replied, to cut the mile long narration short. 

“One of our shuttles has been stolen and heading into the DMZ, specifically to Dorvan V.” 

“What? Who?” Picard demands as he sees his officers’ jump to their duties. 

After a moment, a small groan came from behind Picard and he turned to see Emily Paris looking very upset, “What?” he asked looking straight at her. 

She sighed then squared her shoulders, this wasn’t going to affect her…too much, “It’s Thomas, sir,” she reported, looking straight ahead. 

Picard looked angry, “Set an intercept course, hail that ship,” he demanded. 

“He’s ignoring us, sir,” Emily states from her station. 

“Sir, he’s heading to the asteroid belt, I believe he is going to use it as a natural buffer between us and the shuttle, all we can do is go around…” 

“Why can’t we go through it?” Picard asked. 

Data looked stunned as if Picard should know this, “Because it is mined and we do not have the maneuverability to avoid the minds as a shuttle would.” 

Picard looked grim, “How long until he reaches the belt?” 

“One minute,” Data replied. 

“Hail him again, if he doesn’t answer in thirty seconds, shoot him down,” Picard stated, not too happy with his decision.

Thirty seconds passed…no answer… “Fire!” 

*****End Part Six******

“It would seem today is my lucky day,” he gleamed, “For I get to see Korleth deal out the justice he is well noted for. So, will you kill half of them or all of them,” he asked, the blood lust clear in his eyes. 

Chakotay looked around and saw the other prisoners being dragged out to witness the punishment for attempting to escape, and all eyes of the Cardassian’s looking at him, a mixture of fear and pride in their eyes, but what was penetrating his heart was the fear in the children’s eyes as they desperately tried to cling to their parents as the guards kept them apart. //Spirits, what am I do?// 

He looked as blankly at Dukat as he could and back at the huddled family, //Even if it does change the time line, I can’t murder these people,// he realized. “Neither,” he stated as coldly as he could and moved forward, doing his best to muster all the anger he could, to give off the proper look. He stood towering over the family, the Mother begging for her children’s life; he hated to do this, but it was the only way to keep them alive. He back handed her, “Shut up,” he growled. 

“What do you mean…neither?” Dukat finally had the nerve to ask after being stunned by the reply. 

Chakotay turned and narrowed his eyes, “I don’t have to explain myself to the likes of you,” he stated coldly, then turned back to face the guards, knowing something had to be done, whether he liked it or not, or all hell would break loose, and he could not let that happen either. His eyes scanned the prisoners that still had fear in their eyes and puzzlement, when they landed on an older Bajoran woman. “YOU,” he shouted pointing at her. “Come here,” he growled, trying to make this look good. 

A guard had to make her move, she was too frighten to do so herself, but soon she was there kneeling next to the huddled family…shaking, from the elements in her torn rags as well as from fear. 

Chakotay felt sick, and not from the water, but he had to do something; “You, you have family…children here?” he asked the older woman. He stopped the guard from hitting her when she whispered her response; he wasn’t looking for more violence. “Good,” he said flatly. Then he looked around and turned to the young aid next to him, “What’s in that cell over there?” he asked quietly.

The young man looked puzzled, “Ah, storage sir,” he replied, wondering also why the change in policy. 

“Have a work detail move the stuff out and clean it up. I want blankets and food and water placed in there along with this woman and…” he looked around and closed his eyes and swallowed at his words, “All the young children. She will look after them, the others will just have to work harder to make up for the lack of labor,” he stated flatly, and then turned away as if that was all there was to it. 

Unfortunately he had to pass Dukat who looked sicken while at the same time the mother was crying at having her child taken from her, but at lest they would live and wouldn’t have to work the mines…at the moment anyway. “Go away,” he growled at the Cardassian as he moved by him heading back to the office in which he came from. 

“How could you let them live?” Dukat asked with shocking surprise and a touch of disdain. 

On the spur of anger he turned to Dukat and backhanded him…oh did it feel good, but he had to answer for his actions. “How about you go in the mine and do the work I would be losing by killing them? Don’t you have half a brain in your head? They will work harder for their children then their own lives…” //Shit…shit…shit!// he couldn’t believe he just said that…to Dukat! //I just gave Dukat the key to pushing these peoples buttons even more,// Chakotay thought feeling pale and stunned. He looked at Dukat one more time, “Get him out of here!” he ordered and stormed back to the office and locked the door. 

“Shit, shit!” he said to himself. //Oh, spirits what have I done now?// he asked, feeling that he only added to these peoples burdens when he only wanted to keep from killing them. Feeling frustrated he grabbed a glass going to get water, but this body couldn’t tolerate it, so needing to drink something, poured a glass of Kanar and sipped it…not bad, being that he was temporarily a Cardassian, he thought as he sat behind the desk, pads still all over the floor.

A soft knock on the door brought him back to the present. He didn’t want to be bothered, but he didn’t have anything else he could do either, so he stood up and opened the door, it was the young aid. “Yes?” 

“I was wondering…would you like me to clean up this mess?” he asked softly, his bright eyes looking concerned and puzzled. 

Chakotay stepped back and waved his hand that he might as well, and then moved to the window, looking outward, still nursing the drink in his hand. 

“Forgive me for overstepping my bounds, but is it really that bad?” the young man asked softly from the ground. 

“Is what really so bad?” Chakotay found himself asking. 

“Things back home? I know when I left to serve my term in the military, that things were becoming more…difficult; the need for minerals and ores for the factories and the farms…” 

“Farms?” he asked as he turned to see the young man place the first pile on his desk. 

“Yes, oh, I know it’s not common knowledge among our people that we need the process elements found in the Bajoran soil to keep our agriculture alive; but my Grandfather owns a farm, and I was working there before being sent here, that’s why I’m only an aid and will be nothing more,” he stated as he continued to place even more piles of memo pads on the desk. 

“Your…ah…the people were starving?” he asked in disbelief. 

“Oh, no, not really…I mean,” the young man stood up, now looking nervous… “I mean…”

“Don’t be afraid to answer me,” Chakotay stated, seeing the boy freezing up. 

“Again, it’s not common knowledge that if things didn’t change and soon, the farms would have been depleted and done for by now and without the factories, a lot of people would be doing with out, especially medicine for the illnesses…that’s all,” he finished. 

“So…that justifies…all this?” he asked, waving his hand toward the window and the work camp. “That we just…march in and…conquer this world?” 

The young man looked even more puzzled, “Forgive me, Gul Korleth but what else would we do?” he asked. 

Chakotay looked at the young man and could see…no other options ever occurred to these people. “Yes…what else indeed,” he said dryly. “Your dismissed,” he then stated and locked the door behind him and sat down at the desk and picked up the pads. He noticed they were all request for more minerals and ore, but now…he seemed to understand; it didn’t make what they did and are doing right, but he understood where before it never even occurred to him to try. The Cardassians had been dying…he didn’t know the particulars, but he could tell that from what the boy had said and the desperation he could now see in the words in the requests before him. But being who they were, their culture didn’t allocate negotiations…no it was a culture of the strong take from the weak, and that was what they did…they took in order to survive. 

//Fuck!// his mind growled, for he didn’t want to feel anything for the Cardassians…they were the enemy…//But how better to face your enemy than to first understand them, then perhaps you can prevent them from staying your enemy// his mind recalled, hearing his Father’s voice, and now understood their meaning all too well. //Had anyone really understood what the Cardassians were doing, things could have come to a different ending…perhaps…? // he closed his eyes, it didn’t matter, this was the past, but he no longer viewed it the same way. 

When he opened them he was once more in the void, but feeling stronger than he did before as he took a cleansing breath and moved to where he saw a familiar and friendly face…his spirit guide waiting for him. 

The she wolf moved up to him as the void felt less empty even if still black and as the young adult knelt beside her she licked him as he hugged her. //You have done well child,// she said warmly. //You opened your mind and heart to see out of the eyes of another…your enemy; the ability to do such will serve you well, Child.// 

“I am glad you are here my friend,” he replied and continued to hug her needing her steady presence to ease the shaking of his soul, for he could not shake that his actions, test or not had profound consequences somewhere along the line. 

//The path you have chosen and have been chosen for is a difficult one child, but you have learned to listen to your heart and use your head on its behalf; this will continue to serve you well…believe in that,// she said, knowing his heart and licked him again. 

“Thank you,” Chakotay replied, her words gave him streanght. 

//You are welcome, Child. Now, go forth…only one more test to go,// she said her dark eyes sparkling with pride. 

Chakotay smiled, “Should I know that?” 

//It matters not if you know, only if you pass,// she replied and then nuzzled him to go. 

Chakotay did so, as he reached up and fingered the winged necklace feeling Tom’s presence in it and he smiled, wondering what he will do when he saw him again, feeling the courage to finally admit his heart’s feelings for him, sped his feet forward to finish his testing so he could tell his love his heart, feeling confident that the chances of it being returned was more than what he use to believe. Seeing the next door, he ran toward it…

***********

 

Picard looked grim, “How long until he reaches the belt?” 

“One minute,” Data replied. 

“Hail him again, if he doesn’t answer in thirty seconds, shoot him down,” Picard stated, not too happy with his decision.

Thirty seconds passed…no answer… “Fire!” 

Data pressed the button and the ship jolted forward and stopped in its tracks. 

“What the hell is going on?” Picard demanded.

Will had to cover his mouth, “It seems that Tom may have predicted that we might fire on him and…prevented it,” he stated; for deep down he liked the spitfire young blond…if he wasn’t married…? 

“Get whatever he did fixed and set a course to Dorvan V and inform Starfleet of our delay to the Bad Lands, the USS Delaney was also dispatched, so they can handle things until we get there,” Picard growled, and then exited the bridge, leaving command to his XO, as he felt very betrayed by the young pilot, having pulled a lot of strings to get him out of the cesspool he found him in. 

***********

Tom felt bad rigging the Enterprise like that, but he didn’t take any chances, for as Chakotay always said, “Always have a plan B in your hip pocket.’ Of course the fact that Tom knew the former Maquis made his plan B up on the spur of the moment most of the time didn’t change the fact that Chakotay always found a way to deal with the situation around him; and Tom had paid attention and it paid off for him now. 

“Now, to reach Dorvan V in one piece and we’re half way there,” he said to himself as he maneuvered the asteroid belt and the multiple minds that lay amongst them. But with determination and a good ship, he got through to the other side in half an hour and was heading to Dorvan as fast as he could and prayed for as little interference as possible. 

*********

Tom managed to land the shuttle as close to the settlement as he could and wasn’t surprised to be set upon by guards, but he was glad that it was Maquis solders instead of Cardassian. 

“What are you doing here, Starfleet,” a tall strong looking native stated as two other men almost as big grabbed him. 

“I need to see Maria, Kolopack’s wife…Chakotay’s mother,” he said, not sure how else to let them know which Maria he needed to see.

“Why? Why would she want to see the likes of you?” the tall man asked as his dark eyes narrowed with suspicion. 

“It’s about Chakotay, her son…he’s in trouble,” Tom stated, hoping that would be enough. 

The other Maquis searched the shuttle and Tom, and gave a nod that he was clean. The other man continued to stare at him, “What if I say no?” 

“Then would you please deliver a message to her, it’s vital,” Tom replied, his eyes showing how true it was, for he knew the Enterprise would be here soon looking for him. 

The man sized Tom up and down, then nodded, “This way,” he growled and turned and started walking. 

Tom followed on his on power, though closely guarded as he moved among the woods that still looked similar to how they did when he was here in the young Chakotay’s body. It was strange that he knew the way, but he remained silent as they led him to a more populated area of the tribe and to a different tent to what he recalled from the past. 

The tall man stopped him at a distance, and then preceded forward, paying respect to the old man that sat with two women, one Tom recognized, even with age to be Chakotay’s mother; she aged well. He watched her stand up, her eyes dark with sadness and some anger but not at him directly and moved toward him. 

“What do you wish of me?” she asked softly. 

“I need your help,” Tom stated, after giving a nod of respect to her and the elder’s behind her, using the sign he recalled this woman had showed him when he was here as Chakotay. 

“You know of our way?” the old man asked as he stood up and joined Maria by her side. 

“Not as well as I should,” he replied honestly.

“How can I help you? What do you have to do with my son?” she asked her voice still soft, but the question strong. 

“He’s in trouble…” Tom started to say. 

“I am aware of the accident in the Bad Lands,” she stated, her eyes holding back the pain she felt. 

“He’s not dead,” Tom stated truthfully. “Though he is lost…from here, he is not dead, but that is not why I am here…” 

“How do you know this?” the old man asked, as his eyes now narrowed with suspicion. 

Tom sighed, he didn’t know how to explain this, “I will tell you all I know, but…” he eyed the goons around him, “It is not for everyone’s ears,” he stated, hoping they would respect this. 

The older man nodded and the others left, leaving Tom alone with Maria and the Old man and the old woman that sat quietly behind at the tents, looking at him…staring at him. Tom thanked him and was glad that he was allowed to enter the tent and sit down to explain his situation. 

“Okay, now you tell us what you know,” the old man said as he sat across from Tom. 

It took Tom a moment to get situated, and as he looked around he spotted the basket he and Maria had delivered so many years ago, “Your Little Bear Running Deer,” he smiled, not realizing he said it out loud. 

“Yes, do you know me?” 

Tom snapped toward the man, realizing he had spoken out loud, “Ah, sort of. No, we’ve never met, but I know…of you. I know what I’m about to tell you is going to sound crazy, but all I ask is that you hear me out, and perhaps indulge me anyway,” he stated. Seeing a simple nod, Tom went into his tale, the same way he told it to Guinian earlier in the day. He spoke of the Delta Quadrant, the accident, Coyote, the test, and how he had been with Maria when she delivered the basket and he was the one that asked about the ritual, and how now he had been tricked by Coyote, and how a friend suggested that if he didn’t know all the rules, it meant the test was unfair…that he needed to know the rules so he could get back to his responsibility…his Chakotay. 

“Your Chakotay?” the other woman asked, speaking for the first time. 

Tom looked at this older woman and recognized her as well, “Your T’anHolasha’,” he smiled warmly. “I’m glad you passed your test,” he said softly. 

“Thank you,” she replied. “But you have not answered my question; you have referred to Chakotay as yours…twice since sitting down…why is that?” 

Tom smiled as he felt a blush rise in his cheeks, “I know Chakotay has chosen me to be his mate, and thanks to what I have learned from you,” he looks at Maria, “I know his soul is mine to guard, love, nurture, protect, and I accept that responsibility for he will be taking the responsibility of caring for all those in our tribe…Voyager. Though we have not exchanged vows I feel it deep in my being that we are destined for each other, that he ‘is’ my husband, and I not only love him and wish to be by his side, but I feel the need to look after him…and I can’t do that from here; I have to get back to him…help him, even if it is by only being there,” Tom replied truthfully from his heart. 

“What do you think?” Maria asked the others with her, her eyes unsure, but not fully doubting the man before her either. 

The Shaman turned to his wife, “If he is a protector to a Shaman, one would know the other,” he stated, letting his wife know her word held the final decision. 

“Indeed I would,” she replied as she knelt down in front of Tom, and reached around her neck and removed a necklace and then leaned forward and placed it around Tom’s neck. “A protector and guardian never gives up, even in the face of impossible odds in their quest for their chosen; you have done well young one,” she added as she leaned back a large smile on her face. 

Tom was puzzled but looked down to see that what he had been given and smiled at seeing it was a miniature version of Chakotay’s families tattoo on a tiny silver circle medallion, then looked up, “I don’t understand?” 

“The rule in this test was simple, young one…don’t give up, you didn’t, thus you pass; but the true question is, what will you do to protect Chakotay and how far are you willing to go?” T’anHolasha’ asked, her dark eyes almost appearing bird like as Tom looked at her, no longer recognizing anything or anyone around her, as if they no longer mattered. 

“I would go to the ends of this universe and beyond if I had too, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my husband except disgrace him or dishonor him for to do that would to be to fail him just the same,” Tom replied without hesitation. 

“Well spoken, young one,” she smiled, then her bird like eyes looked intense; “But your words are about to be put to the test, there will be no time to think…only act…may they be true,” she replied and leaned forward and hugged him, and as Tom felt his world blur out of focus, he thought for a moment that he felt feathers against his skin, but it soon passed and everything was changed…

************

Chakotay ran out the door and suddenly blinked as he felt the warm breeze and then the voices of many people were around him as he became a where he was. He was in the market place the Elishians were showing him; as he turned he saw Tom…then he saw the man with the weapon pointing at his beloved…there was no time…he had to act…

***********

He suddenly felt the warm breeze and the sounds of voices surrounded him and soon he became aware that he was in the Elishians market place and his heart started to pump wildly…he knew this place. He turned to see Chakotay; he was running toward him… 

//No!// Tom’s mind shouted, and he set his body in motion to take Chakotay’s charge and repel it…the bullet was meant for him…he would take it.   
He felt the impact but he was ready and shoved back…

There was a shot fired…two bodies fell to the ground…

****End of Part Seven****

//No, no, no…this ‘CAN’T BE HAPPENING’!// his mind whirled…//Not again!// Tom’s mind cried out as he sat alone on the medical bed, waiting for the Doctor to tell him how Chakotay was doing; he was still in surgery. The only difference that Tom knew to be was that before he waited in a waiting room, now in a treatment room where he had ten stitches in his temple from where he and Chakotay had collided trying to get the other man out of harms way. //Damn it, I failed again,// he cried softly, his heart hurting with worry and concern for his love. 

He closed his eyes but he couldn’t keep the tears from falling, “Why…why didn’t you tell me you could heal him…fix this mess; I would have taken your offer…hell, I’ll take his place now if you want, but please…please let him be okay,” he cried out softly to the one who had been manipulating this scenario since it began…the spirit Coyote. 

“Are you sure about that?” a strange deep voice replied from behind him. 

Tom turned to see a full grown man, dark skin, and familiar…it was Coyote in a grown form. “That I’d do anything for him to be all right…? Yes…I’ll take his place…Please…?” 

The grown version of the spirit looked at Paris, his eyes narrowed, darkening as he looked at the blond before him, his dislike of the man still clear in his intense eyes. “I don’t like you, Tom Paris, but Chakotay loves you, and yes, he chose you as you chose him, and regardless of how ‘I’ feel about the matter, you have passed all the tests set before you,” he stated.

Tom’s eyes reflected his puzzlement, “Thank you…I guess, but what does that mean? What will happen to Cha?” 

“What do you think will happen to him?” Coyote replied, his eyes still dark with disdain at the man before him. “As to what this ‘means’ is, if I did as you requested…now, there would be trouble, and frankly…you’re not worth it.” 

Tom’s eyes grew dark with anger; he had about enough of this…this guy. “Look, I don’t give a fuck if you hate me or not! This ‘isn’t’ about me…it’s about Chakotay, so can you or can you not fix this or are you just a big blowhard bag of wind that has nothing better to do than fuck with peoples lives under the pretense of giving a damn about them?” Tom growled. 

“How dare you!”

“I dare,” Tom growled some more moving off the treatment bed toward Coyote. “I dare. I dare you to do something right for a change then stand around blowing wind up your ass.” 

“Watch it blondie,” Coyote growled back, his dark eyes now glowing red with anger. 

“What is your problem anyway? So I fucked up, most people do…they face it, deal with it and move on; I’ve done that! I’m not the same idiot I was when I first boarded Voyager all those yeas ago; I’ve grown up, matured and have learned what is important to me and how to deal with things; but even then I make mistakes…I always will; all humans will…what happened here was a mistake, nothing more…get over it!” Tom shouted face to face, toe to toe with this powerful spirit. Then he heard a sound and it took him a moment to register that it was laughter, not mocking laughter but amusing laughter and the spirit before him was no longer appearing angry but pleased. Now feeling puzzled, he growled, “What’s so funny?” 

“You, but not the way you think,” Coyote replied, wiping a tear from his eye from laughing so hard. “Damn, it took you long enough,” he added as he moved to sit down on the treatment bed, his face still showing his amusement, no hint of disdain anywhere in his eyes. 

Tom was now even more puzzled, “Get what?” 

Coyote sighed, that of one who had laughed too hard and had to stop, as he focused on Tom Paris. “What was the last thing you said to me?” 

“Get over it.”

Coyote rolled his eyes, “Just before that part.” 

“That this was a mistake nothing more…” the light went on, “All…this, was to get me to see that it was a simple mistake?” he asked puzzled.

“Hardly,” Coyote replied. “But it was part of it. Besides if I had to listen to you whine internally or not, how it was ‘all my fault’” he mocked in Tom’s voice, “I was going to turn you into a parrot; but the good part here is that you finally understand…accidents happen; though you could have paid a bit more attention in the meeting…” he added with a touch of scolding. 

“Would that have made a difference…really?” Tom asked truly needing to know.

“Who knows…perhaps; but it is rather irrelevant now. The point is, you didn’t go out of your way to break any rules, you didn’t disregard them either, he was bent of scaring you simply because you were an alien, he didn’t even know the gun was loaded. The second point in all this…for you anyway, is that you learned a lot about yourself, and what you need to do if you accept this path…and you accepted it…Chakotay is now ‘your’ responsibility. You better take good care of him or you ‘will’ face my ‘true’ anger; and let’s clear that fact up right now; you only felt a small fraction of what it could be, Tom Paris. Had I really not wanted you to be Chakotay’s mate, you’d be that parrot, and that option never dies out…remember that.” 

Tom felt a mixture of emotions; here was the same spirit that taunted and hated him, warning him to care for his Chakotay, which he would regardless, but it was the tone that puzzled him. “I have every intention of taking care of him; you know this. But tell me, I know why he is special to me; but what’s your interest here?” 

“Just doing my job,” Coyote replied, his eyes mischievous, his smile a replica of Tom’s when giving a cocky retort. 

“Nothing personal, but bullshit, you just warned me off like a parent to a son-in-law; and from what I have heard and experienced, even if it is very little, beings like you don’t get so…involved in ‘mortal’ lives, so again, what’s the deal here?” 

Coyote grinned, “I’ll give you a hint…M.Y.O.B,” he stated as he slid down off the treatment bed. 

Tom’s brow arched, “Funny,” he replied flatly. 

Just then a doctor walked in, “Mr. Paris,” he stated, then nodded to the other man in the room, “Good news,” he smiled warmly. 

Tom’s mind shifted back in gear…Chakotay. “Tell me?” he asked, holding his breath with anticipation. 

“The bullet did penetrate the skull, but it simply graced the top of the brain; besides what would be similar results of a concussion, he’ll be fine. We’re going to keep him for observations until your own people arrive,” he stated. “He’s asking for you.”

Tom felt overwhelmed with relief and joy, Chakotay was going to be all right, but he still had to deal with this alien first, “I’ll be right there,” he stated, and then watched as the doctor left. “Well, for what it’s worth…”

“Don’t thank me, I didn’t do it,” Coyote stated, his eyes distant and guarded, a new look that Tom didn’t understand…not that he thought he ever would understand this…spirit…alien. “Besides, I can still get lucky and Tay will tell you to take a hike,” he sneered and then left in a blink of an eye. 

“Fucking weird,” he said to himself; not able to follow the mood swing, and at the moment no longer caring. He turned to exit the treatment room and find Chakotay. 

************

His head hurt, he recalled so many things, but it was difficult to know what was real and what ‘had’ been real or was a result of the accident. He recalled being in his body but not able to express himself properly and not fully understanding things, accept that he was with Tom…he smiled at the thought of the blond young man and was glad he was all right. 

He looked up to see the center of his dreams and soul walk in the room and though he was sleepy from the surgery, he knew he would fight it off until he saw Tom with his own eyes. “Tom,” he said his voice raspy from the surgery. 

“Hey,” Tom smiled and gently sat down on the edge of the large hospital bed and without thought he took Chakotay’s hand in his and caressed his dark hair. “How you doing?” 

Chakotay couldn’t believe that Tom was holding his hand and sitting with him like this. “I think…I’m not sure what to think,” he laughed softly. “Tom…what’s going on here?” he asked, suddenly feeling very vulnerable, as he squeezed Tom’s hand so he knew it was this touching that he was referring too. 

Tom smiled more, his eyes sparkled, “The only way to explain this is to be direct; I’ve come face to face with your spirits Chakotay and the things I’ve seen and done have lead me to know that not only do I love you with all my heart and soul, but that you are mine; to protect, to cherish, help and guide when I can for the path you have chosen and been chosen for is to do the same for everyone else in our tribe…Voyager. So, as they will belong to you, you will belong to me…from this moment forward. I hope you can live with that?” he stated, sure that Chakotay could, but with a tad of concern filling his voice. 

//It has been real,// he thought, knowing that Tom could not have known any of what he had said otherwise. Though Tom’s words didn’t tell him the entire story, Chakotay could feel that Tom spoke true and it made his spirit soar. “Well, there is only one way I could possibly live with that,” he stated, his spirit high, but his body was wavering. 

“Tell me,” Tom said seriously, willing to do anything for his Chakotay. 

“Marry me so I can love you openly and daily until the end of my days,” Chakotay replied, squeezing Tom’s hand in his; for if Tom’s words were true and he sensed they were; there was no reason for courtship; they were already one, it was now a simple matter of finalizing the union. 

“Yes,” Tom replied warmly as he leaned down and kissed Chakotay softly. “As soon as you are strong enough, we will marry, and you will teach me all I need to know to do my job, for I have no doubt that the protector of a Shaman has many duties and much to know; I will know them,” Tom stated as if it was a fact that this would be done. 

Chakotay smiled, though he felt the tug of sleep upon him, he never felt happier, “As you wish,” he replied. 

“Good, now sleep and I will be here when you wake, my love,” Tom said as he leaned down and placed a very gentle kiss on the scare, by the time he lifted back up Chakotay was out and he smiled. “I love you,” he whispered, knowing that his love understood this, but he had felt the need none the less. 

“Excuse me, sir,” a young nurse stated. 

Tom turned to look at her, “Yes?”

“I was told to inform you, your Captain is on her way down here, there is a small room you could use if you need to talk,” she stated, gesturing to the sleeping man he was still holding hands with. 

“Thank you,” Tom smiled, then turned and tucked Chakotay in, moving to find two more blankets from the closet and placing them on his Chakotay before leaving to report to the Captain. 

“Your interference was not appreciated,” a deep voice stated in the room where Chakotay lay asleep, and a tall dark skinned spirited man appeared. 

Q popped in across from him on the otherside of Chakotay who was oblivious to the whole thing. “Please, as if Chuckles…” he started, but seeing the death glare cleared his throat, “Chakotay,” he amended, “would have accepted Helmboy’s sacrifice,” Q replied as he folded his arms around his chest. “And I did promise that I would help him ‘win’ this game,” he smiled mischievously. 

“The ‘only’ true reason he ‘won’ was because Tay loves him and he ‘is’ his chosen whether I like it or not,” Coyote said between pressed lips, though his dark eyes looked downward with sincere concern and caring. 

“What do you have against him anyway?” Q with his own curiosity. 

Coyote looked up at the entity before him, “He’s not good enough for Tay. Sure he’s matured and will do his ‘best’ for Tay, but…” 

“But…? But what, that he’ll make a mistake and hurt Chu…err, Chakotay? And as far as not being ‘good’ enough, what mortal or being for that matter would be good enough for our children,” Q replied with true understanding. 

Coyote looked up with a touch of surprise in his eyes, then laughed, “I guess it is rather obvious,” he laughed looking at Q. 

Q smiled, “Well, not completely, but you have to admit, all this ‘protectiveness’ and Tom’s not good enough stuff lead me to one of two conclusions, but it was the name that clinched it for me.” 

“The name?” 

“Come on, Coyote…Cha..kotay; though I’m surprised I didn’t see this in him right away,” Q mused to himself. “But then again, he doesn’t take after you; at least not that I can see,” he added, thinking of the serious stoic man he’s observed over the years. 

Coyote laughed, “Q, you may be all powerful...somewhat, but you are not all knowing. He’s got a wicked sense of humor and has played a few tricks that have made me quite proud, but alas, his is only part mine, in spirit, unless he finishes his training and…” he lets his voice trail off as he reaches out and caresses dark hair in a very paternal manner. 

“That’s going to be rather difficult for him all the way out here,” Q stated, a bit of seriousness in his tone. 

Coyote looked up and smiled, “True, but not impossible. He himself has established his tribe and the spirits have granted his testing and he has passed, as has his chosen, he will succeed and I will look forward that we will walk together once again,” he stated confidently.

Q smiled knowingly, “you look like you could use a distraction, I happen to know this woman in the Alpha quadrant that is simply too much and loads of fun to torment; she hangs out with a particular Captain that is equally amusing…interested?” 

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Coyote replied warmly, then watched Q vanish. He then looked down at Chakotay lovingly. Then looked up toward the air once more, “Okay…” he drawled knowing he was not alone. 

“Not ‘good’ enough?” a strong female voice echoed into the room. 

Coyote moved from the bed side as the door opened and Tom walked into the room, looking about as if sensing something, and pulled a chair next to Chakotay’s bed, took his hand and took up his vigil. 

“Well, since your were listening, you heard me,” Coyote snipped at the woman that now appeared before him. 

The woman that first looked like the Old Shaman’s wife, now morphing into a beautiful woman, her long golden hair was actually tiny feathers, her skin like snow, her eyes dark like an eagle’s, “Where do you get off stating that ‘my’ spirit child is not good enough for yours? He has more then proven his worth, and he has done so without the benefit of the teachings that should have been provided him via his grandmother, had his mortal Father not interfered,” she stated in a pure defensive tone. “The only reason you ‘don’t’ like him is that he reminds you of you too much and since we all know what you are like I can see why you would worry.” 

Coyote looked at this woman, his eyes narrow, then he laughed warmly, “Perhaps,” was all he was willing to confess. 

She relaxed her posture and laughed too, “Let us leave them, they are young, but still strong enough to bond without our help,” she stated easily. “Plus, I think Q is waiting for you”

“Very well,” he smiled and then vanished. 

The woman softly walked to where Tom was resting his head on the bed, still holding Chakotay’s hand, “I too wait for the day we will walk together once more, young one,” she whispers and vanishes. 

Alternate ending 1)

The woman softly walked to where Tom was resting his head on the bed, still holding Chakotay’s hand, “I too wait for the day we will walk together once more, young one, until that day, take care of him and yourself” she whispers, then places a motherly kiss on his golden hair and vanishes. 

Captain Janeway walks in the room and sees her two officers asleep and holding hands and gently moves to gather another blanket and places it over Tom, then moves back to the doorway and looks fondly at them and gives a pleasant sigh, “about time” she says softly and exits, leaving them to rest knowing that tomorrow would be a new beginning for all of them. 

Alternate ending 2)

Tom sits up seconds after she is gone, and looks around the room, then turns to see Chakotay laughing, “Are you all right, I though you were sleeping?” 

“They thought so too,” he replied as he opened his eyes, filled with life and amusement. 

“They?” 

“The spirits you sensed, and with practice will understand better,” Chakotay replied, his eyes now filled with love as he fully looked at Tom. 

Tom nodded the acceptance that Spirits had been there, he knew he sensed something, though he knew it was nothing dangerous to his love, but he still didn’t understand the smirk on Chakotay’s face; then his eyes sparked with understanding; “It worked?” 

“Like a charm,” Chakotay laughed warmly. “Oh, sure, your still going to have in-law trouble, but the point is that it will be ‘in-law’ trouble,” Chakotay smiled as he opened his arms wide and Tom fell into them easily. 

Tom was laughing hard, “I can’t believe we pulled this off…” he laughed so hard his eyes were tearing. 

“Well, it wouldn’t have been possible without the help of a few friends,” he smiled upward. “Your ‘mother’ played her part perfectly, I doubt he suspects a thing,” Chakotay snickered, “As did Q.” 

Tom sighed for he had laughed so hard he needed to breath, then he sighed with wistfulness, “I wish I could see here again, when we went on that spirit walk…” he sighed but was happy. 

“You will, Pooka, you will,” Chakotay promised. “And one day you’ll be able to state with pride that you helped pull one of the biggest tricks on the trickster himself, husband of mine.” 

“Well, it wouldn’t have been necessary if he hadn’t being giving me so much shit whenever he showed up; sheesh, you thought he had nothing to do last month,” Tom growled a bit. Then he let out a breath along with his anger, “You know he’ll figure it out eventually, that you and I have been married for months now…?”

“Perhaps, but the testing was needed and your spirit mother said she would see to it we had his acceptance if not his full outright blessings; but I’m sure with time he’ll grow to love you almost as much as I do,” Chakotay said, hugging his husband. 

“I love you,” Tom said and hugged his love back, “Which is a good thing, for anyone else would say we were nuts and lock us up and throw away the key if we ever shared this little story with them. That Q actually helped with ‘us’ set this up along with Eagle sprite…?”

Chakotay kissed his love, “True, but since they don’t know a thing has occurred other than the little ‘accident’ we don’t have to worry about it. Though I will miss driving Tuvok crazy wondering how I was getting out of confinement….” He laughed. 

“Yeah, that was funny,” he laughed, and then his eyes turned more somber. “You’ll be out of here soon, and Cha,” he says seriously as he looks up into his husband’s eyes. “Though this has been a riot, I don’t ‘ever’ want to go through something like this again…understand?” 

Chakotay looked back equally serious, “I understand, and I’m sorry, but without his acceptance…” 

“I know, that’s the only reason I agreed to this, but now it’s over, no more of these wild crazed practical jokes…right?” 

Chakotay hugged his husband, “Right,” he replied softly. 

Had Tom been looking in his husband’s eyes then he would have known to be nervous…very nervous indeed. 

THE END


End file.
